Thursday, March 4, 2010

Reprieve?

I wasn't aware that 2 days ago Chicken stopped giving Savvy her thyroid meds. She figured that she didn't need them anymore because we were putting her to sleep.
Well...what we DID notice yesterday was...NO POOP.
In the litter box? Yes. Just normal cat poop. Not the strange, gag-inducing-scoop-and-flush-it-right-now-before-we-all-die poop of the last couple of months.
I have not had to be the great poop hunter for 36 hours.
What the hell??

And through the night...nothing. She always craps somewhere in the dead of night. Nothing this morning either, her second favorite "guess where I've shat now" time.
I can't believe that the very meds the vet prescribed were actually making her worse, but...I don't know what to think.
I'm calling the vet and canceling the appointment for now.
For now...she lives.

I shouldn't be surprised. This cat has escaped death more times than I can count in her 18 years.
She just keeps hanging on.
We'll see what happens from here...

Wednesday, March 3, 2010

Too Many Tears

We're having a rough time in so many ways. I have been sick now for over 2 weeks and Chicken for over a week. I thought I was getting better, but two days ago I woke up feeling even worse.
I go into a coughing fit every morning that leaves me dry heaving over the toilet and gasping for breath.
Being sick is hard enough, but being sick, being sleep deprived and taking care of two 5 week old twins--one of them who is a super fussy fussypot--well, it's huge.
We are doing our best to just get by, but these past two weeks have by far been the hardest yet.
I have been sleeping on the couch for weeks because we wake up each other coughing. I cough all over the babies when I'm breast feeding them and feel awful, but so far they are fine and healthy.
Chicken and I are starting to bicker with each other over who is doing more and who is getting more sleep. She is a rockstar, that Chicken and she takes on so much for our little family. I don't know what I would do without her.
I know there are women out there who do this alone, but I don't know how. Are they breastfeeding 8-10 times a day? Are they pumping afterwards? Do they have a fussy fusspot?
If you are out there...I want to know your secrets.
When Chicken has to go out for an hour or two, I truly panic. When they both have a meltdown, there are just not enough arms to go around. I feel so inadequate and overwhelmed.
And then I cry. And cry and cry and cry.

I had my 6 week checkup with my OB today and brought up these situations. Chicken and I are a little concerned with PPD and we've been keeping an eye on 'things' from the beginning. My OB assured me that women with only ONE baby are going through the same thing and to have TWO, plus be sick for weeks on end...it's normal.
It's true that the worst of my bad feelings have been in the last couple of week since I got sick, so I hope that's all it is. They referred me to a shrink in case I want to go that route and I think I might. PPD is no joke and has an even higher occurrence with a twin birth.
My OB gave me the ok to take some cold meds, so maybe, maybe there is an end to this damn cold.

To top things off, we have made the very difficult decision to put our 18 year old female cat, Savvy, to sleep. We've called the vet and we'll take her in tomorrow. She is deteriorating, she weighs only a little over 2 lbs, she has had thyroid disease for years and spends most of the day going back and forth to the water bowl.
She has gone from pooping just outside the litter box to pooping....everywhere. I call myself the poop hunter because every morning I have to find where it is and it's usually in multiple places. It has a scent that will wake you up from a dead sleep. Right now I need my sleep so badly and when this happens, I find myself so angry with her. It's more than I can take right now. We love her so much. I don't want to be angry with her in the last days of her life.
This is a cat who has captured the hearts of just about every human who has been in our house. She has been the best cat. I don't know how 'sick' she has to be before it seems like it's time. That is the hardest decision. But she doesn't feel good. Her quality of life has gone down since the babies came home and we just don't want her to keep suffering.
And so today, we cried even more.
So many tears.

Friday, February 26, 2010

More Baby Wearing

Some of you asked for a photo of the baby wearing. We went out again on Wednesday with me wearing Grunter in the Moby. You have to look really close, but there is a spot of baby you can see. I swear he had plenty of room to breathe, there is a big open 'pocket' at the top. He was as happy as can be!

I walked more than I've dared since the C section--1.3 miles round trip! We walked all the way to the big box baby store where we had to return a few gifts. I also bought my very first nursing bra! Yeah, I know almost 5 weeks into this....it took me awhile. I do have a nursing tank, but I only wear that when we have visitors. Otherwise, I've been sporting the 'hiking up my tank top' look. Not ideal, but it works.

I'm really glad we got out that day--for an hour and 1/2--because it was snowy and rainy all day yesterday and now for the next couple of days we are looking at nothing but snow, snow, snow and freezing cold temperatures. We will not be venturing out with the babies in this weather. Thank god we can get everything delivered.

I am still at the tail end of this very bad, never ending cold and it's hit Chicken full force. It has been really hard splitting the duties when both of us just want to sleep. I think she's a bit luckier because she gets to take cold medicine and I could only suck on cough drops. Either way, we are both more than ready to stop the coughing and feeling crappy.
Getting sick and twin baby wrangling do not mix!

Is it Spring yet? I'm ready for long walks, farmer's markets, shopping for gorgeous organic produce and having time to make some healthy meals, ready for our CSA farm share to begin and ready for some warmer weather. Oh Spring....you can't get here soon enough.
Chicken Mommy wearing Whoop Whoop inside. I snapped a gas smile!
Me wearing Grunter in the Moby Wrap

Wednesday, February 24, 2010

New Pediatrician, One Month Check Up, Baby Wearing and Public Transport

Best to just get jump in and try to cover everything! I've got a "Dear Boys" one month letter in the making, but damn, finding the time to finish it is escaping me.

The boys turned one month a few days ago. I still can't believe it. I read back on a few of my posts and already what I'm describing from just a few weeks ago is so blurry and fuzzy. It seems so long ago and yet it has passed by so quickly.

Two days ago, I decided that I felt good enough after 4 weeks post C Section that I would give baby wearing a try. Chicken has been out and about a couple of times in the ergo w/ the infant insert and in the house she often calms a fussy baby (usually Whoop Whoop) in the Moby wrap.
I felt bad that Grunter wasn't been worn as often and also....I was jealous that Chicken was hand's free and mobile.

Let's face it. At this point, I am (almost) nothing but a milk maid. I sit on one spot on the couch with my double breast feeding pillow and then I move to the recliner to pump. I do this anywhere from 8-12 times a day. One day it was 14 times. FOURTEEN feedings.
I never feel too mobile. In fact, what I feel is my ass spreading on this couch by the day and I'm more than a little bit anxious to get back my mobility and strength.
As I was put on modified bed rest for over 6 weeks pre-birth and have been told nothing strenuous and no exercise for 6 weeks post birth--well, that's THREE months of not doing much of anything. As someone who is very physically active, this is making me a bit crazy.

I've gone out for short walks when I can. But that hasn't been many (3? 4?). Just getting out of the house is a giant undertaking when their feeding schedule is so unpredictable. Last week, I didn't leave the house for SIX days. Not a single step out of the front door.

Monday, I tried on the Ergo, popped a baby inside, realized Chicken already had the Moby on and we looked at each other all wide eyed and said "Let's go somewhere!"
Now, we could have done this with the stroller as well. And we have. Twice. I don't know why, but it's just so much easier to be wearing them than to do the stroller out the door.
So, off we went--not only to the post office, but the drug store as well! Ooh la la! Both of these are within a 2 block distance of our apartment, but god, the freedom. The mobility!

The next day was the one month check up with our new pediatrician. As you may recall, we weren't really digging our first choice. The office was not as near as I thought nor as easy to get to as I thought. There was no direct line of public transport to get there which left us hauling car seats in and out of cabs. (Well, I didn't do any hauling, so it was very hard on the Chicken.)
It was also across town and the cross town traffic is a nightmare. One day we paid almost $20 to get home and that is crazy combined with the $10 ride to get there and the $80 co-pay.

In addition, the office was down a flight of narrow stairs in a brownstone building. Very hard with twins and I couldn't imagine doing this myself someday. They have no stroller parking inside which means you have to lock up your (expensive) stroller on the side walk outside and carry two babies down the stairs. In the snow or the rain. The office was tiny, the rooms were tiny....oh and we didn't like the Doctor.
If you are going to charge us twice because yes, we have 2 patients, then we'd better get double the time--which we never did.
She gave me horrible advice about breast feeding (I know, she's not a lactation consultant, but still...) and while we had brought up some issues with Whoop Whoop twice, (he coughs while feeding, pushes himself off, is a fusspot) she was always very dismissive and said everything was perfectly fine. No problems.

We wanted to change to another practice after our very first visit, but due to insurance, we couldn't change and have it covered until their one month check up. Hello one month. You couldn't come soon enough.
Our new practice is much bigger, with many doctors, which initially I balked at, but now I'm happy with. We were assigned a doctor that has consistently been rated one of the best pediatricians in the city and the offices are just a block away from NYU Medical Center. All of the doctors are NYU affiliated, the office is 15 minutes closer to our house, there is an elevator, indoor stroller parking, a sick waiting room and a well waiting room, there are weekend appointments for sick visits, and the waiting area is spacious with plenty of toys for kids.
I can walk up here with the stroller in 20-25 minutes. I could do this by myself when Chicken goes back to work.
I have no idea why this was not our first choice. I think I was swayed by "West Village" versus "Murry Hill". I guess that makes me a neighborhood snob.
The first step to recovery is admitting you have a problem.

The day of our appointment, the forecast called for rain and I simply could not bear the thought of another episode of 'put the baby in the car seat, hail a cab and baby wrangle in and out of a NYC taxi', I suggested we both wear a baby and take the bus (it's still too far for me to walk right now).
Toot Toot. That's my personal horn.
That was a fucking awesome idea. I loved it and I felt so...normal! Somehow we both managed to shower yesterday morning, do a feeding right before we left, grab a baby and an umbrella and hop on the bus. Good thing I held on to my maternity coat. It was perfect to fit around the Moby.
It was the first day where I felt like the haze of the newborn Ground Hog day was lifting.
Not to mention all of the babies in the waiting room were fussy fussy fusspots having been taken out of their strollers, but our babies...? Quiet and content all nestled into the wraps and carriers.

And our new Pediatrician? LOVED him! He thought it was so cool that I carried Chicken's eggs and he heartily laughed at my joke "I get to say my wife knocked me up! You don't get to say that very often". Yes, I am a giant dork.
He spent well over 30 minutes with us, talked to us about everything from developmental milestones, delays, daily schedules, feedings, you name it. Our old doctor basically weighed them, declared they'd gained weight and left the room. No wait, the nurse weighed them. Our old doctor looked at the chart.

He declared that they are fine looking boys, thriving in every way and perfect. He listened to our concerns about Whoop Whoop and determined he has reflux...which is what WE had suspected for the last two weeks. Poor guy has been so fussy and now he has Zantac which he should have been given weeks ago.
Despite his reflux, Whoop Whoop is a good little eater and is chunking up quite nicely.
He has gone from his birth weight of 5 lbs, 3 oz to 6 lbs, 15 oz in one month!
Grunter is not far behind with birth weight of 4 lbs, 15 oz and is now 6 lbs, 5 oz!
They are both starting to really look like normal little babies instead of wrinkly old men. Although I'm sure to those of you with 8 and 9 lb newborns, they still look incredibly tiny!

I had been worried about my milk supply and if they were getting enough from breast feeding (plus one bottle of formula at night). I guess the answer is yes! I have been really, really hard on myself in regards to the breast feeding, but after a emergency tear-filled call to my lactation consultant after reading this post and then seeing their weight gains, I have been assured by all parties I am doing an excellent job and to go a bit easier on myself. It's the hormones. They make you crazy.

And one last bonus...the boys went for 3 hours in between feedings yesterday!!! OMG. There is a light at the end of the tunnel. We made it through the first month and already I see great changes. We are going to make it!

PS--Please send healthy vibes to Chicken. Two days ago, she caught my cold and is feeling like extreme crap. I am feeling better, but I need Chicken. We cannot do this without Chicken.

Sunday, February 21, 2010

Dirty Little Ditty

We like to make up songs and sing them to the twins.

This is my newest breastfeeding song which I swear I did not set out to make it sound like the dirtiest song ever....but when I sang it to Chicken I realized it was! Hee.

"Suck, suck and swallow
Don't bite it!
Just suck it!
Suck, suck and swallow
And you'll grow up big and strong
Yah!"

They are like hungry little animals when they breast feed. No matter how exhausted I am (and oh how I am especially since I've been sick now for...this is the 6th day) when I get them latched on and see their dark little eyes wide open, hear their little baby animal noises, the grunts and swallowing...well, it really is just about the best thing in the world.
I really do love breastfeeding them, even though sometimes I cry on top of their heads because I'm so tired of doing it over and over and over.
I am just waiting for the day when they consistently go 3 hours in between feeds and not the unpredictable hour and 1/2. Three hours. Ah, that would be nice.
But they are gaining weight and growing so big.
We are so happy.

Friday, February 19, 2010

Inducing Lactation in the Other Mother

Who has done this?
What method did you use?
Drugs?
How long did it take for the milk to come in?

You might guess where we're going with this.....
Yesterday while holding Grunter, our little Barracuda decided to lunge out and latch onto Chicken (they were enjoying some naked Kangaroo care) and now...she's wondering about breastfeeding as she'd really like to do this, too.
There's also an SSRI in question, but I'm doing research to figure that one out.

Thanks for any information--there's a lot out there but I'd like to hear from some women who have done this first hand.

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

Sometimes We Sleep

We are so tiny, even our socks are too big...!


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone