Official Member of the Itty Bitty Pantyliner Committee

Hello Progesterone Suppositories, meet my new thong pantyliners.

It would've been nice if there had been directions with these bullet-like things, but no.  However, I guess my years of using OB tampons finally paid off.  No big deal getting it in, but my how it does like to leak out.

Whoever came up with the idea of a thong pantyliner, was pure genius!  I used to date this girl who would cut up a regular pantyliner into four separate pieces and make us homemade pantyliners.  Brilliant, eh?!

Did anyone watch High School Reunion this past Spring to see "Kat the Lesbian?"  Well, that's my ex and I declare she missed her chance to make millions in the pantyliner industry.

I refuse to even look at what the side effects these things have b/c I can't stand imagining more symptoms at this point.  I am a little hotter and a bit thirstier, but otherwise that, nothing else.

The IUI went fine, but I still am always second guessing the timing.  I feel like I just keep googling the same exact shit month after month after month.  I had to wait over 30 minutes, but at least in that time I went to the bathroom and found EWCM, so my mood improved a little bit.

I had a different nurse than I usually do and while I don't like her as much as my usual nurse, her technique was great.  I did ask her how my cervix looked, was it wide and open? She replied "cervix's are always open".  Um, thanks, not exactly what I was asking for.  

This cycle has me feeling rather low.  I ovulated very late, I feel like we may have inseminated a day too late and wasted all that sperm.  I have doubts about my sperm donor.    His count isn't as high as I'd like it.  Usually he's at 14-16mil and this time was only 10mil.  That's the bare minimum they have to guarantee.  Despite being reassured that it's more than enough to get me pregnant, I still feel stupid for buying all of the sperm at once instead of trying him out a cycle or two before committing.  It's like getting ready for a blind date and putting a down payment on the future house you'll buy together before you even arrive at the date.

Then I went to my post-IUI acupuncture session and didn't have my regular therapist.  The alternate woman looked at my BBT chart and nonchalantly declared that it looked like I'd ovulated on Day 15.  Alarmed I squeeked, "but I did the IUI 3 days later, they took blood, I had ultrasounds, the blood said different".  She rescinded, but it made me feel like once again, all this money, even the acupuncture, for nothing.

Everyone has a theory and none of them match up.

I want to trust my fertility center.  I really, really do.  They are one of the top fertility centers in the world.  But lately I feel like a second-class citizen because I'm not doing IVF and that's what they do best.  Even with the top facility, an IUI is still a well-timed crap shoot.

As a Dr. (not at my clinic) told one of my friends after 10 cycles, "do you want to get pregnant or do you want to keep trying?"  She's pregnant now, after an IVF cycle.

I'm scared, because if this cycle is a BFP, I've got exactly TWO more tries before IVF.

Here's to another, messier, mind-fuck of a TWW.

Mission # 2 Activated (formerly known as Swim Swimmers Swim)

Ready to be Spermified

IUI #2 was this afternoon at 2pm. When I went in yesterday my estrogen had peaked and I was clearly already surging so I didn't have to do the trigger shot.
I had an U/S yesterday and there was one nice looking follice at 18.5mm, so by the time of the IUI maybe it had reached 20mm.
The timing has me a little freaked. I think that last month K and I truly did see it as almost a 'practice run' and we weren't expecting too much. This month feels more real and thus has me scared of the very low percentages of a natural cycle IUI at my 'advanced age' (38) and the short lifespan of frozen sperm (6-12 hours VS 3 days for the fresh stuff).
The timing is so tight and crucial, it's a wonder anyone ever gets pregnant!

My acupuncturist wants me to start temping again and the funny thing is, I'd started doing it the night before myself.
Going to the RE and Big Fertility Center can make you forget that you are still the best advocate for what your body is doing and I realized that I need to have some power over that.
The blood work and the ultrasounds are great, but I want to temp as well.
Next month--if I'm not pregnant, I'll be getting a speculum to check out my cervix and see what's going on in there. If you don't know what I mean and it's just TMI...you can read all about it here.

Overall, it went rather smoothly. My nurse had a bit more trouble threading the catheter in this time, but it wasn't painful, just uncomfortable and took a little longer. She likes to talk to me while she's going about the business which is great as it might take your mind off it, but at one point, I had to say, "I'm going to stop talking and just breathe now, OK?"

Afterwards, I texted K, but she was in a meeting and couldn't call me right back. So, I put on my iPod and listened to a few songs by Elisa before heading to the office. K and I were able to talk on my way to work and she is being very supportive.
It's hard for both of us that she's not around much to be a part of this on a day to day level.
But as she travels for work Monday-Thursday, it's difficult.

We have a busy weekend ahead with a silent rave in Union Square Friday night (this is about 2000 people dancing around with their iPods on!), a farewell BBQ for my German friend on her apartment terrace tomorrow afternoon/evening, and a baby christening of K's nephew on Sunday in Princeton.
I have something planned almost every single night next week--even if it's just yoga or pilates as it makes the TWW go by much, much faster!