You've Got to be Kidding Me.

Surprise, it's CD 1.  It's not supposed to be.  AF is 4-5 days early.  I've been spotting for the last 6 days.  I never spot in between cycles and no one has a clue why I was spotting.

Last night I took my last antagon shot--all 3 shots for nothing.

Today I was supposed to change my estrogen patch.  I took off the old one...and did not put on a new one.

Remember this post?  I knew something was up....I just didn't feel right.

I'm canceling this IVF cycle.  My body is obviously out of whack and I'm not spending the last of the IVF money on a cycle that is already this screwed up.

I'll go in for Day 2 bloods tomorrow and see what the numbers are, but I'm not continuing.

At this point, I think I'll sit out the month of February and do a March IVF cycle.

I have been waiting for so long.  I waited for K to be ready.  I waited for K to finish her MBA.  I waited to save up enough money.  I have been waiting for over 4 years.  I am so tired of waiting.  These are the days where I seriously start to doubt if it will ever happen.  I want to be pregnant or K to be pregnant or to start adoption or to start fostering or SOMETHING.  Instead I am just waiting.

And if one more well-meaning person tells me to, "relax" or "I know of couples who were trying and as soon as they just stopped focusing on it, they got pregnant!" or "don't stress about it"--I swear, I will scream.  

To me, that's like someone who has no addictions whatsoever, telling a heroin addict to "just stop focusing so much on their next fix and sobriety will come!  You can become clean if you just relax!"  

Really, if you have never tried to get pregnant and had problems doing so--you need to Shut the F*ck Up!

200

I've had 200 posts?  In one year?  Damn, I blog a lot.

So my progesterone is A-OK, the results say I've ovulated.  Thank you body for being good.  However, I had my pap done and I'm spotting--that is I started lightly spotting on Day 19 and am still spotting on Day 21.  My acupuncturist doesn't have a clue why and neither does my RE.  Nice.  Thank you body for always throwing me that curve ball.

Regardless, I was cleared for take off concerning the estrogen patches.  Following the directions, I carefully applied the patch.  Wow, you can barely even see it?!

 

However, after getting dressed, I realized my patch was not in a good place at all.  It specifically says to not apply near your waistband so that your clothes don't rub against it...but I don't wear pants around my waist.  Low rise pants and jeans are built for my kind of body.  So that carefully applied patch...yes, right at my waistband.  

Must remember to put on pants next time and THEN apply patch.

Oh well, the pants aren't tight, so there wasn't much rubbing going on, but it has slid a bit.  I keep this on until Saturday morning and then I put on a new one--a little bit higher!

Tomorrow night I start the antagon shots.  Let the needlefest begin!

After writing out my IVF list Monday, I had 3 offers of drugs within a 24 hour period.  That, combined with the freebies I received this weekend covers me completely for Follistim/Gonal F.  I don't know if these ladies want it publicly announced, but K, J, E and L---THANK YOU.

Once again, I've spent the last 2 days doing drug deals.  It's a crazy life.

I still need more Antagon/Ganerellix and Menopur which I mentioned to the nurse yesterday at the RE clinic.  She's going to see what she can do as they regularly have clients who donate their meds back once they are finished with a cycle.  Fingers crossed...

Today is a very special anniversary of sorts for K and I....let's just say it was a life changing day two years ago and if that day had never happened...you wouldn't be reading this blog right now.

So to celebrate we're going out to dinner here, followed by going to this, which is our friend's band. 

The band isn't going on til 10:30...which probably means 11:30...man I feel old.  I am going to be SO tired tomorrow! 

Thanks for all of your comments about the insurance crap.  It is what it is...but I'm still working on it.  More later.