Monday, February 11, 2008

Maybe I'll try an IUI

My third FSH came back last Friday.

It’s normal, totally normal. I mean, it’s elevated slightly, but well within an OK range.

What does this mean? Did I have a faulty lab blood test? I’m beginning to really think that I did.

Even my RE is mystified at the huge range in numbers. Even with the lab operating on a different scale, those numbers are too far off.

I sat on it for a couple of days as I thought about the idea of doing an IUI. Me. My Baby. Not that having K’s egg’s wouldn’t make it my baby, because ultimately it’s going to be OUR baby, but I’m starting to think I wouldn’t mind a little mini me so much after all.

When I thought that I couldn’t have children, my mind mentally shut off the idea and I didn’t care to dwell on it anymore. I had a brief cry in the kitchen one night and felt a little blue, but really didn’t want to go there because what was the point. I’ve suffered from enough hardness, sadness and depression in my lifetime, I really didn’t want this to throw me back to the dark recesses of my mind. I had comfort knowing there was a backup plan, K’s eggs, either in my (perfect!) uterus or her own. One way or another we would have children.

But these blood tests change everything. Over the past couple of days I’ve found myself thinking, “hey, who I am isn’t that bad, it wouldn’t be such a bad thing to pass on these genes”, in the end…well, it’s all really a crap shoot, isn’t it?

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