Monday, August 17, 2009

The Telling Of It All


We went upstate and told Chicken's parents and other family members this past weekend.
I thought about all kinds of different ways to tell them--give them a Tshirt, make them an expensive photo book, etc.

In the end, I found the frugal idea of the perfect $2.49 card and some photo copies worked out best.
As luck would have it, Chicken's mom and step dad were coming to the town where Chicken's dad and partner live in order to attend a friend's art gallery opening.
We suggested that we all have dinner together and they agreed. It was stepdad's birthday and on a lovely summer evening over cocktails (the parents, not us) on the patio, as I handed him his birthday card, I said "I didn't want the rest of you to feel left out, so I got you cards, too."

The mom has been suspicious for quite some time, so she immediately got it and squealed with delight. The dad seemed perplexed and confused. The dad's partner (who is also a twin) expressed support and happiness as did the step dad. Of course no one had bothered to actually READ the card or look carefully at the photos so no one figured out we were having twins! That part is always fun.
All around, it was good. But we were surprised that the dad didn't seem that happy.
However, he finally admitted that he was really confused by the card. Get this: somehow by looking at the photos and seeing the word "Future" he thought we were going to take a trip to the moon. Yeah...Oh boy.
People don't read cards!!!

The next morning after he had asked a ton of questions about the procedure, he was feeling much better and happier. I think he was really overwhelmed as he was not suspicious at all whereas the mother was just kinda 'waiting' for us to break the news.
I didn't know this, but when she'd been asking Chicken what was going on, instead of her giving a great canned answer like "oh, you know, we'll still trying", Chicken said "well, even if we knew something we wouldn't tell anyone for 3 months."
Hellll-oooo?? Who says something like that while trying to keep a secret?? Oh Chicken. I love her, but she is not a good little fibber that is for sure.

I'd asked Chicken to make sure to tell her mother not to tell ANYONE until we had a chance to give out the news ourselves, but Chicken forgot and by the next morning her mother had told all family members. This upset me as we were seeing some of those family member the very next day and we'd planned to tell them in person ourselves.
I would never tell news like that if the other person hadn't told me I could--but that's not the way this family works. There are no secrets and everyone is a giant blabbermouth.
It took some of the excitement out of the telling, but her mother was very indignant and unapologetic about it, even when confronted. Sigh. It was unfortunate.

They pressed on with finding out about the sex and the names, but I let them know in no uncertain terms they will find out the sex and the names the same day we do--the day they are born! We are having babies, that's all we know!
The last thing I want to deal with is family drama on the naming and oh! there would be opinions!!

So here we are. 13 weeks and we've told everyone. I wish I felt happier about it all, but instead I just feel a little sad it didn't all go as I thought it would. After nine years in this family you'd think I'd be used to this.
Sigh.

22 comments:

jessie said...

What a great way to tell people! Sorry it didn't go as planned, though.

journeytowardsourbaby said...

Off topic but as this window popped up I read in your travel list that you saw the ocean for the first time when you were 18 - that just blows my mind, coming from such a small place where you are only ever a couple hours from both the mountains and the sea!

But I digress lol I love the cards, they were a great idea. I have many dreams of how/when to tell people too and I know (at least with my family) they're not going to work out but I shall blog about that when the time comes.

Sorry it didn't go like you wanted though.

vee said...

Sorry some of the joy got sucked out of your telling. Not fair of her to pass on your news like that. Great cards though!

Two Moms, Two Monkeys said...

Sorry your announcement wasn't as you had hoped! Love the idea about the cards. My mom spilled the beans to the fam before I could even get to them so I know how you feel. Isn't the reaction to "twins" so funny! That was my favorite part too!

anofferingoflove said...

i love the cards, what a great idea! sorry the reveal didn't go as planned. i feel your pain - i confided in my mother that we were doing a ET and before i knew it, the ENTIRE extended family knew. i was really upset - i hadnt planned on telling anyone else until we were past the 1st trimester. it totally ruined my 2+ years of dreaming how i would share the news...

nutella said...

Sorry the telling didn't go as you'd hoped. Our families spread the word even though we told them not to and then didn't understand why we were upset. What is so hard about that I will never know?

In any case, congrats and 13 weeks! Wow!

Caitlin Weaver said...

Um, a trip to the moon?

Keely said...

The cards are great! Sorry the whole thing didn't go off as planned. How's the second trimester treating you??

Jen said...

I too am sorry it didn't go as you wanted but that is life sometimes. Some of our family found out when I was admitted to the hospital, not exactly ideal! Still, enjoy our babies and deal with family as it comes.

Gayby Rabies said...

The cards are such a great idea. A nice keepsake without going overboard on the cost. I still don't see how anyone could look at that card and think you are taking a trip to the moon. Sorry to hear that you didn't get to tell everyone yourselves. I guess a very long TTC process gives you way too much time to think about how you'll break the news. I hope that telling people the sex / names goes more according to your plan.

Keely said...

pee ess...
HOLY FREAKIN' STATS, BATMAN! That is some crazy numberage up in there!

glamcookie said...

I'm sorry you didn't get to share the news yourself with family members. We experienced the same thing with my MiL. She got on the phone and told everyone and then I miscarried. Second time around, we told her not to share the news, but she did it AGAIN. I thought DW was going to kill her, but I told her it was just her excitement, which was ultimately a good thing. Still not cool, though.

Also, you are smart not to share names. That is where my family came in with their unasked for opinions. Argh.

13 weeks! Congrats!

insertmetaphor said...

Congratulations on telling everyone. I'm sorry it didn't go perfectly. Fern and I were just discussing recently how once we're pg even if we tell our moms not to tell anyone, it's a lost cause - they're going to blab it everywhere. We're trying to prepare ourselves for that because the news is just going to be out of our control. At least she's excitedly sharing!

Sarah said...

I love the numbers in the card...got me thinking. Somehow NONE of what we had planned with Carter went as planned, but I guess it's to prepare you for being a parent. They are full of surprises. I swear, sometimes I think, why do I even TRY to plan everything?

AdventuresInBabyMaking said...

The cards were such a great idea! Glad you had a nice visit, despite not all going as planned. 13 wks already??

Does time go faster when you're not in endless TWWs??

timaree said...

Okay, so I admit that I actually guffawed when I read the bit about the trip to the moon. I suppose the first photo does look a little lunar. Oh my.

I love how you told them, even if it didn't go off quite as planned.

queerstork said...

those damned expectations will get you every time. it's hard to have a picture of how things will be and then have it all flipped around in a way you didn't want or anticipate. i'm sorry you didn't get to reveal it the way you wanted.

love the numbers in the card. when you put it like that, it's just breathtaking.

xos

poppycat said...

Oh bugga! That sucks. Your pseudo amex card was a great idea though. Sorry your MIL is such a PITA but what a fun telling.

luckylittle13 said...

Sorry it didn't go as planned. Cute card, though. And holy jebus, girl, those are some staggering stats!

Mina said...

That card idea was soooo lovely! I'm happy for you that you finally got to spill the beans, even if it didn't go as planned!

halfadozen said...

The card is so cute! I spend a lot of time fantasizing about how to tell people, should the day ever come. The first time I got pregnant, I bought onsie and wrote "I love my grandma and grandpa" on it in puffy paint and gave it to my parents wrapped in a pretty package at Christmas time. They loved it and cried. It was a great suprise. The sad thing is that when I got pregnant with my son, I have no recollection of how I told them. Oh well.

I have to say though, your decision to stay hush hush on the names is a good one. We ended up not being able to pick some of my faves because of parental interference. Once they have made it clear they don;t like something, then if you DO pick it, its like you are intentionally defying them. And we were too stupid to figure that out at the beginning... I am still sad that we didn't name my son Micah. I love that name.

I don;t think I have ever commented before, so never gave an official congrats to you guys, so here it is! How exciting!!

Next in Line said...

Puffer I just sent you a half a friend request on FB. I started to type a message and then hit the wrong button and it sent.