Counting My Blessings

There have been quite a few highs and lows this week, the notable high being donated drugs.  The notable low having 10K less for fertility coverage.

Regardless, it is what it is.  Here the deal:  It wasn't United Healthcare that did this to us—it was W.  Or rather, that's who I'm blaming!  You see, with the economy crashing, K's employer (we are covered on the same policy) cut all benefits to all policies for fertility.  Etna, BCBS, United—they were all cut, rather quietly, from 25K to 15K for 2009.

Now, I could get all angry and stressed out and bitter, but I just can't.  What will it accomplish?  Absolutely nothing.  That doesn't mean that I haven't gone over the events of the last year in my head and wished we'd done things differently, ie: GET AGGRESSIVE from the beginning.  That's my biggest regret and always has been. Now that the benefits have been cut I'm really regretting it.  But….what's done is done.  I can't change it.  I am not Cher and I cannot turn back time.

So, I want to only focus on the positive because I need to remind myself just how lucky and blessed I am.

I have never had a single issue with my insurance coverage.  There have been no fights, no benefits denied, no hassle.  That could be explained by what I initially said to them.  Let's just say it's all about how you word it. I am a part of United Resource Network rather than UHC for fertility.  Same Same but Different.  With a few exceptions of trying to figure out which meds are covered and where do I get them, it has been a completely stress free experience.  I had saved up money for years for this process never expecting to have fertility benefits, so I truly feel blessed in this regard.

I have been blessed with an outpouring of kindness and generosity through my blog friends.  People I've met IRL and have become friends have given me meds and people who have only lurked online spoke out to offer me meds.  I can't say thank you enough.

 We are still waiting to hear back from UHC about egg donor coverage.  This is not covered by United Resource Network, but 'supposedly' is covered by UHC.  Now, we just need to know if that means the recipient is covered (that would be me) or if includes paying for the egg donor (that would be Kate).  My RE clinic has never had a case like this where both the donor and the recipient are married and on the same policy.  We are a test case. Should be interesting…that is what we would ultimately choose to do if the will cover it.

If not, K and I each have a 15K lifetime fertility benefit.  That means if it doesn't work for me…she's up to bat. While she offered to carry, the reality that she might have to actually do this is scaring the complete shit out of her.  I have never seen her so truly terrified of something.  It's kind of cute in a sadistic sort of way.  She says things like "why would anyone ever want to be pregnant?" and "I'm not ready to be pregnant!" (to which I smile sweetly and reply, "oh you don't have to be ready right now, just at the end of February in case I'm not pregnant.")

The RE has agreed since we came in as a couple, K does not have to go in as a new patient.  If you've ever tried to get an appointment at a prominent RE, you know this initial appointment alone could set you back months just trying to get in the door.  So, that was excellent news.  She's in and they are ready for her to get straight to IVF. 

I finally, finally got great news regarding the Antagon and Menopur!  It's covered and I still have enough benefits left in my fertility RX coverage (different than the 15K) left that I won't have to pay out of pocket for them.  This is huge since it would've been $2700 out of pocket.  Oooouch. 

Dinner last night was great, but we never made it to the show.  We got lost.  Or rather, we were never lost, but we kind of forgot where the venue was and after walking for 30 minutes in 15 degrees, we decided to walk home instead. It has been so great to have K home for the last month.  She has been cooking wonderful, nutritious meals and we have been having a lot of fun.  I am so much more calm and less stressed out when she's here.  I know she could be called on a travel project any day now, but I really hope not for at least 3 more weeks.

Tonight I have a friend in from out of town, Saturday my aunt is in the city to celebrate her 50^th birthday and Sunday another friend is in town.  Having fun and staying busy is good.

Life is Good.

200

I've had 200 posts?  In one year?  Damn, I blog a lot.

So my progesterone is A-OK, the results say I've ovulated.  Thank you body for being good.  However, I had my pap done and I'm spotting--that is I started lightly spotting on Day 19 and am still spotting on Day 21.  My acupuncturist doesn't have a clue why and neither does my RE.  Nice.  Thank you body for always throwing me that curve ball.

Regardless, I was cleared for take off concerning the estrogen patches.  Following the directions, I carefully applied the patch.  Wow, you can barely even see it?!

 

However, after getting dressed, I realized my patch was not in a good place at all.  It specifically says to not apply near your waistband so that your clothes don't rub against it...but I don't wear pants around my waist.  Low rise pants and jeans are built for my kind of body.  So that carefully applied patch...yes, right at my waistband.  

Must remember to put on pants next time and THEN apply patch.

Oh well, the pants aren't tight, so there wasn't much rubbing going on, but it has slid a bit.  I keep this on until Saturday morning and then I put on a new one--a little bit higher!

Tomorrow night I start the antagon shots.  Let the needlefest begin!

After writing out my IVF list Monday, I had 3 offers of drugs within a 24 hour period.  That, combined with the freebies I received this weekend covers me completely for Follistim/Gonal F.  I don't know if these ladies want it publicly announced, but K, J, E and L---THANK YOU.

Once again, I've spent the last 2 days doing drug deals.  It's a crazy life.

I still need more Antagon/Ganerellix and Menopur which I mentioned to the nurse yesterday at the RE clinic.  She's going to see what she can do as they regularly have clients who donate their meds back once they are finished with a cycle.  Fingers crossed...

Today is a very special anniversary of sorts for K and I....let's just say it was a life changing day two years ago and if that day had never happened...you wouldn't be reading this blog right now.

So to celebrate we're going out to dinner here, followed by going to this, which is our friend's band. 

The band isn't going on til 10:30...which probably means 11:30...man I feel old.  I am going to be SO tired tomorrow! 

Thanks for all of your comments about the insurance crap.  It is what it is...but I'm still working on it.  More later.

Meet My New Best Friend

The Follisti.m pen.
That’s right, I’m starting IVF.
Less than 24 hours after I came back from Bali, I found myself sitting in an IVF orientation class.
When I found out about the miscarriage in August, I called to get on their schedule as I really didn’t want to waste any more time.
My RE assured me that with my early miscarriage I’m 100% good to go as long as I’m mentally and emotionally ready to go.

I’ve never felt so ready.

There was a moment in Bali when I was having a massage and I thought, “but I got pregnant last month with just a little help from Clomid, I can do that again.”
Why not a few more IUI’s?
So I walked into the IVF orientation thinking “I’m just here to get some information”.
Then I opened up my folder and saw my RE had already written out all of my RX’s, they handed me a free Follisti.m pen (no meds inside), and away we went.
When I got to the stats page…well, my mind was already made up. I was here for the long haul now. IVF take me away.

The Iffy News:
Maybe I could get pregnant again through IUI. Maybe. But I’m no spring chicken (remember, I’m 39) and those stats are dismal. I’m incredibly lucky it worked even once. I’m wasting my time and insurance money to expect it to work again. I’d like to think I’ve paid my dues in miscarriage land, but those stats are dismal too. I’d love to see that I have at least a 50% chance at having a real, live baby with IVF—but I only have a 33% chance of doing that (and that's transferring back 2-3 good blastocysts).

The Good News:
33% sure as hell beats the IUI/Clomid stats of 5-10%.
We have enough insurance left to cover two full IVF cycles (without meds).
My RE says that I’m a perfect candidate for this to work.

The Best News:
This week has been spent running around New York City with a soft sided cooler and an ice pack doing d.rug deals.
Some really wonderful people have stepped forward to donate their leftover medications to me for this first cycle. I’ve received meds that aren't covered by my insurance co-payment--for free.
This has been a huge stress relief as the meds are almost as much as the cycle itself.
I am still overwhelmed at the kindness and generosity of these friends—two of the couples I met online (not in blogland) and have only met in person a handful of times.
It really does take a village to make a baby!

The Guilty News:
I think I’ve been holding this news back because I feel guilty. What I mean is: this is an easy decision for me because I have the insurance money to pay for it.
I’m well aware that most of you out there don’t have this luxury and it’s so unfair.
Please don’t hate me for it.

Why Am I Finally Telling You This?
Because I just started my period.
IVF starts tomorrow.
I’m on a ‘no Lupron’ cycle which means I start stimming tomorrow, I’ll do retrieval in two weeks.
By Halloween we’ll know if I’m pregnant or not.
Damn that’s FAST.
I am so, so, so excited to finally be doing this.