Choosing the Goods

How is it that we've been looking at donors for over six months now, but we still don't have one picked out. Well, we knew we couldn't really buy in advance and store it at home and we didn't know what kind we needed (yes, it comes in three different washed varieties!) and for awhile we thought we might be using a known donor--K's little brother. But then we ruled him out after we thought we were going with K eggs and my uterus via IVF. Plus, the more we thought about it, we wanted to try to find someone we can both use.

K really does want to have a biological child, she was just much more keen on me having it for her than having it herself!

So, it's come down to the final few weeks and we're playing "pick that sperm donor".

You can play too, by going to California Cryobank! http://www.cryobank.com

We had the perfect candidate picked out a couple of weeks ago, but he was only available in ART (Assisted Reproductive Technology also IVF) and since we aren't doing IVF now...

We needed someone with IUI (Intra-Uterine Insemination) as that is the method we are now going to try.

This is basically a process that puts the swimmers directly in the uterus instead of relying on them getting there themselves--there are no turkey basters here, folks.

It's such a hard decision and I know so many women who end up changing donors after a few cycles, or the donor retires from the program, etc and they end up trying out multiple donors. For the first time though, it's pretty mind boggling.

We are designing 50% of our offspring's genetic makeup. I thought I wanted to have a few different ethnicities in the mix, but as time has gone by, I see that it's not the best choice for us.

We had picked out someone I was totally sold on, but finally realized this child would grow up--probably exotic looking and hopefully gorgeous--but not really looking like either of us at all. We came to realize that it's going to be hard enough to have two moms, why make things any harder?

So, we are picking a donor that gives our offspring the height neither of us have, the math skills I'm sorely lacking, the artistic streaks that don't run in K and enough mechanical and athletic skills to make us both happy. Oh, and the staff said he's very attractive...um, yeah, that helped!

Basically since we both want to use the same donor, I feel like we were looking for US combined in a guy.

Who the hell knows?!

I'm excited...after months of planning and talking about it, it's starting to feel very, very REAL.

Dancing Pigs

I had to go to Memphis a few days for work. There's a lot to do in Memphis; Graceland, the Civil Rights Museum...the FOOD.

Memphis has a lot of great food. Unfortunately, I don’t think it was a good idea to eat fried chicken, beer and bbq brisket all in one evening. I forgot what it used to be like....this is all food from my childhood and growing up in Missouri and Texas. I'm so glad I don't eat like this anymore--my body needs a salad!

We went to Gus's famous fried chicken and the BBQ Shop. I will admit this was the best BBQ I've ever had in my life! YUM!

www.dancingpigs.com

The Long Forgotten Crush

I found my old High School crush today. He’s right here in NYC and works for the same ad agency that I used to work for when I first moving to NYC. I wasn’t ‘looking’ for him. But I was doing some research, came across a name similar to his and thought “what ever happened to…?” So, of course I Googled him. And he had a website that led me right to him. Three hours later we were emailing with each other.

I come from a pretty small town in middle of nowhere Missouri, so this is truly random.

We’re going to meet up next week. This is sooo weird!

Edited to add: We didn't get to meet up, he got the flu...still looking for a date that works for both of us

How to Eat a Banana in Public and Other News

Atlanta Airport.
It is incredibly uncomfortable to eat a banana in the gate area filled mostly with men. Wow. I made sure to only use my teeth, but the stares never stopped.

In other news—hey there’s Evander Holyfeld. Wow, he’s big. But I’m only 5’2, so everyone is big.
No, I did not get his autograph, although in hindsight, I should have, if only to sell it on Ebay and make some baby Ca$h.

It’s been a great four days in the sun, although a long time with Grams. I’ve never been happy to leave the beach and sunshine, but really I can’t wait to get home, see the kitties, sleep in my own bed and not have anyone hovering over me!

Good to Go!

My RE called me yesterday on Valentine’s Day and it was a lovely phone call. It made me like him even more. Honestly, I assumed given my age and (slightly) elevated FSH that he would be willing to try an IUI but with meds. Nope. This is what he said, “You know, the problem we have here is that we don’t know anything about your fertility. I mean, you haven’t even tried, right? (right!). So for all we know you could be an incredibly fertile woman. Most women who come to me have already been trying and they know there is a problem, but we don’t know anything about you at all. So, let’s try a few IUI without meds and then go from there.”

How beautiful is that? I mistakenly thought because he’s the head of a big fertility clinic and we all know it’s about the numbers that he would push for the his best outcome for the numbers. But he didn’t.

I am so happy to think that this time next month I’ll be getting myself sperminated. FINALLY! Let’s get this show on the road!!!
Thanks Dr. VID, that was a great Valentine’s Day phone call.

V Day

V Day and I'm in transit to Orlando, FL

I'm on my way to K's grandmother's house on the coast for her 80th Bday. The entire family is coming down to celebrate. I have less-than-fuzzy feelings towards the Gram-in-law, she's the opposite of the grandmothers I grew up with. But, I'm taking one for the family team. Plus, it's a nice excuse for a five-day mini vacay in the middle of winter to a sunny Florida beach town.

K and I said last summer that if we decided against moving to LA (we decided against), we needed to make more family and friends trips to Florida in the winter to keep our sanity in the depths of the NYC winter. We hate winter. Hate, hate, hate. Unless we're on a ski trip, because then it seems worth it. But we love NYC and so we stay.

We are lucky to have a grandmother in Melbourne, Florida and an aunt, her partner and grandmother in Tampa, Florida. Plus, K's father and his partner own a condo in Tampa that we can use. Add that to a friend in Orlando and one in Miami and you have yourself enough warm places to get away during the cold, long, dark New York City winter.

I thought I'd be spending Vday with K, but her work schedule has kept her out of town and she won't be arriving until almost midnight tonight.

However, it's not all lemons, I made last minute phone call last night upon finding out that I was being re-routed through Orlando and was able to make an afternoon date with an old friend from waaaay back in the Dallas days. We haven't seen each other for five years, so it was great to catch up.

What kind of a friend is this, you call at 10:30pm the night before to say "um, hey, haven't talked to you in, oh a year, but I just found out that I'll be in Orlando tomorrow and well, I know that it's Valentine's Day and you have a job and all, but um, if you have any time, maybe we could do lunch?"

And what does she do? She not only picks me up from the airport, but we go have sushi, we go to Target (God I love Target but it's such good thing that we don't have one in Manhattan because I would totally buy stuff I don't need), we go to her house to play with baby animals (she's always rescuing something, this time a long hair chihuahua puppy she bought off a homeless man in Miami and a 5 week old kitten she found in the bushes...) and hang out by the pool. I mean, that's pretty much a perfect day to me.

Of course, the day got away from me and I didn't make the shuttle to Gram's until 5:30pm which raised panic because 5pm is COCKTAIL HOUR. You don't mess with Gram's cocktail hour. There are no gray lines with the time either. You cannot do it at 5:30 or 6:00 or any other time but 5pm. This also means that during your entire trip you will NEVER get to see the glorious Floridian sunset because of COCKTAIL HOUR. Feh.

So, I messed up her cocktail hour and then for the love of God, I screwed with dinner hour to because I didn't get there in time.

It's only the first day and I'm already on her bad side.

Feh.

Honey, get here soon, I can't do this alone!!!

Maybe I'll try an IUI

My third FSH came back last Friday.

It’s normal, totally normal. I mean, it’s elevated slightly, but well within an OK range.

What does this mean? Did I have a faulty lab blood test? I’m beginning to really think that I did.

Even my RE is mystified at the huge range in numbers. Even with the lab operating on a different scale, those numbers are too far off.

I sat on it for a couple of days as I thought about the idea of doing an IUI. Me. My Baby. Not that having K’s egg’s wouldn’t make it my baby, because ultimately it’s going to be OUR baby, but I’m starting to think I wouldn’t mind a little mini me so much after all.

When I thought that I couldn’t have children, my mind mentally shut off the idea and I didn’t care to dwell on it anymore. I had a brief cry in the kitchen one night and felt a little blue, but really didn’t want to go there because what was the point. I’ve suffered from enough hardness, sadness and depression in my lifetime, I really didn’t want this to throw me back to the dark recesses of my mind. I had comfort knowing there was a backup plan, K’s eggs, either in my (perfect!) uterus or her own. One way or another we would have children.

But these blood tests change everything. Over the past couple of days I’ve found myself thinking, “hey, who I am isn’t that bad, it wouldn’t be such a bad thing to pass on these genes”, in the end…well, it’s all really a crap shoot, isn’t it?

FSH #3

Thoroughly confused.

I had my third and final FSH test this morning. It's 11.8, totally within an OK range. I feel very strongly that the first test was a lab error. It just doesn't make sense for all three test to come back with good/OK range numbers and that first test of 21 to be so high.

This changes everything. I'm more confused than ever. We thought we were on to IVF using K's eggs. Deal done. When do we start?

Not so fast now...I haven't talked to my RE, but I'm beginning to feel like maybe I should try. He told me the last time we spoke that I am his normal age range and that he would think it perfectly OK to try with me first.

Winter Wonderland

Tahoe got over four feet of snow while we were there, I heard it was the most snow in something like 30 years. We totally lucked out.

First trip skiing out west and we are fairly confident that we'll never be wasting our time, money or effort to race down an ice-covered hill in upstate New York battling thugs from Yonkers on the way down.

K's best friend from Vassar visited us while we were there.  She now lives near Sacramento and they don't have many chances to see each other so it was so nice to have her come stay the night and ski with us.

A wonderful ski trip and even more so since my company picked up part of the tab!