In the meantime....we've made a big decision.
No more kids.
We keep getting the CA Cryobank bill and ignoring it. $440 for one more year to store the sperm. But I'm 99.9% sure I don't want more kids and I have felt this way almost since I gave birth to the twins. I certainly can't HAVE another baby. After the pre-E and the HELLP, it was strongly advised I not go at the baby birthing experience again. And while that first go at baby birthing was not a great go and it would be nice to get it right....that's not going to happen.
Chicken would have to get pregnant. Chicken has no desire to be pregnant. Chicken already has bio kids and well....Chicken would be a lousy pregnant woman and I have no desire for her to be pregnant either!
I'm 42. I'm old enough already with the 2 I have. I have tons of energy (for my age whatever that means)--more than Chicken--but I want to move forward. While I remind myself to live in the moment, I am looking forward to all of the things I want to do with them and places to go. There are many adventures waiting. I don't want to start all over and keep waiting for another baby to 'be old enough' or 'big enough'. I hope that doesn't sound selfish, but I'm loving this toddler age and the possibilities. I love my family of 4 just as it is.
We are done. Chicken got a little panicky as I ripped up the bill and squeaked, "Oh, but I want to hold a little baby again!" So I reminded her that we can go hold someone else's!
It feels good to just make that decision and agree that our family is complete.