Tuesday, June 8, 2010

Not About Me Anymore

Thanks for the birthday wishes. For the record it totally sucked. Chicken only remembered because the day before I'd reminded her it was our anniversary and she knows my birthday comes after that. So it was the "I didn't forget the date, I just forgot today was that date." Creative, that Chicken of mine.
There was no card, no gift, no cake, no nothing.
It's OK. I'm a twin mom now. It's not about me anymore as I have learned from Mother's Day, Wedding Anniversary and now Birthday. But, I'll admit, it's a bit hard to get used to.

It was hot that day and we never even left the house because the boys don't do well in 90 degree weather yet. They can't wear sunscreen and even though they've got darker skin tones, we'd just like to keep them out of the sun as much as possible for now. Plus, they get cranky.

We were supposed to go upstate (4 hours north) for the funeral weekend of gay dad #2. First we bowed out of the cocktail party in his honor for Saturday night, thinking we'd go up on Sunday for the memorial service at the museum (he was an artist). Then, as the day went on Saturday, we knew we couldn't pack up ourselves and these boys after being home barely 24 hours and get on the road again.
Not to mention that everytime we rent a car, it's $100 a day and a lot of work to go get the car, pack it up curbside, bring everything and everyone down and get off this damn crowded island. By the time you make it to the bridge, you've already got 2 hours under your belt and you've probably driven 7 or 8 miles max and NOW you have another 4 hours ahead of you. Not easy and very expensive.

The other option that we've considered for the future is Amtrak. But it's also very expensive, doesn't go to the city we need to arrive in and requires that someone drive a roundtrip of 2 hours to get us. Oh, and there's no reserved seats. If you've ever been to Penn Station when they've called out the track for your train and seen the mad crush of people surging....pfew. With babies as well? I get exhausted just thinking about it. Also, since the only train that would've gotten us up there on time left at 8:15am...ouch. We couldn't quite stomach that either.

All of the options just felt like they were too much. The boys are great little travelers, but the last days of the vacation were car travel, followed by an overnight flight. We just couldn't start traveling again. It was too much for all of us. So, we sent our regrets and hoped that everyone understood that our boys come first now.
Chicken really wanted to go and I just had to put my foot down for what was best for my family. As the weekend went on, she knew it was the right thing, but it still made things stressful and tense around here. I really hope her family understood and isn't thinking I just wanted to stay home because it was my birthday. It had nothing to do with that. Trust me. It was such a non-birthday.

Everyone keeps asking when we are going to come up and see them. I don't want to come up and see them. They have cars. They are retired. I want them to come see us. I don't want to spend upwards of $400 for a long weekend and spend a bazillion hours in a car when they can come see us. Is that selfish? I don't think it is. It's totally not about me. It's about these boys and our family and our finances (I'd much rather budget out that money for their college trusts or um, travel).

Right now, we need to get them on a firm routine and practice good sleep habits. That can't happen if we keep moving them around. The trip to Argentina was great and it was exactly at the right time, but more travel for now, is nixed. Our next trip isn't planned until late August. Until then, I am fine with staying home. I hope the family gets it and comes to us.

Oh! The boys gave me the best birthday present EVER! They both slept through the night for the first time--almost 5.5 hours straight! It was awesome and I felt so rested on my birthday even if I never had time to take a shower! Of course, they didn't repeat it the night after....but we're getting there. Thanks boys!

PS--Chicken finally got to shave her other leg. Just in case you were wondering.

Next up: Our Experiences with Sleep Training


Rachel said...

Sorry you couldn't make the funeral. You don't have to brave that crowd with the boys. When you get to Penn Station find a Redcap guy and tell him that you need to pre-board because of the babies. They will take you down to the platform about 15 minutes before the train pulls in (via 2 of the slowest elevators in the world). And another great thing about Amtrak is that there is plenty of room to push your stroller straight onto the train and park it in the handicap spot at the front or back of the car. Usually it's about 10 feet by 5 feet (seriously) and will also be great when the boys need a place to crawl (we just bring a big fleece and pretend we're picknicking). One other nice thing about finding a handicap-accesible car (not all of them are) is that the bathrooms are huge so you can push your stroller into the restroom rather than leave babies alone on the floor/seat if you are alone. All of the space also helps with carseats.

Needless to say, the fusspot and I commute by amtrak all of last year and have done it again a few times this year. I really do love it with a baby.

N said...

How did I miss your post about your birthday? oy. Happy belated birthday!

I'm sorry you didn't make the funeral, but I understand. *hugs* And I'm right there with you on wanting people to visit. My father (& step-mother & sister) haven't been to visit me here once. Not once in the nearly 13 years I've been here. You'd think that the birth of his grandchild would be enough for him to want to, but nope. It's ridiculous.

Anonymous said...

That is hard to have to miss the funeral, but anyone who's ever been a parent will understand. One newborn is hectic; two is chaos, I'm sure. Still, I'm sure it was frustrating and stressful to have to miss it.

I hear you on the people wanting you to visit needing to come to you. My MiL lives 45 minutes away and expects us to come to her every weekend. I'm putting my foot down as it takes up a whole day, baby is super cranky by the time we leave her place, and HELLO WE ARE THE PARENTS OF A NEWBORN - YOU COME TO US, LADY! But that is a rant for another day.

Next in Line said...

Happy Birthday Puff! I am feeling things get a little easier at the six month mark. Hopefully you will feel it too and it can be a little bit more about you. It's gotta be! That is the only way to keep going.

Candi said...

happy birthday!!! im happy you got some more sleep!! it is a great present.lol.. the little things count for sure....

Melissa said...

Oh I so know where you are coming from. Jack was born exactly 1 month before my birthday so needless to say I didn't have much of a birthday. I think I might even gave bought myself a book as a birthday present. I was just crying to Amy this week that I love Jack so much and wouldn't change a thing but I sometimes mourn the life I used to have. The older he's getting the easier it's getting so hopefully that happens with you too.

Tell me every sordid detail about what sleep was like!! And talk slowly so I can savor it and live vicariously through your experience :)

Gayby Rabies said...

Yikes, I can't even imagine trying to negotiate the insanity of Penn with two babies! Sorry to hear that this birthday wasn't what you were hoping for, but I'm sure there are plenty of macaroni necklaces in your future.