Tuesday, December 28, 2010

Three x Christmas

In 2008 I was in this upstate country house crying because I'd found out on Christmas Day I wasn't pregnant (again). My MIL never offered a single word of sympathy or even acknowledged it.

In 2009 I was hospitalized the day after Christmas and we prepared to have 32 week preemie twins. Other than the fact that I was released after New Year's and the twins stayed put, the best part of the holidays was staying in NYC and not having to deal with my MIL.

This year, 2010, was supposed to be mine. Our first Christmas with Grunter and Whoop Whoop. The first Christmas as a new family. Instead, I was degraded and spoken rudely to by my MIL every single day--to the point that other family members were noticing and making comments about how rude she was being to me and she really should stop.

My MIL got drunk to the point of puking on both Xmas Eve and Xmas. She was of no help the following mornings in her non-child proofed house because she was so hung over.

She was often irritated with my babies because they were crying around her. Their cousin, Luke, is 10 days older and very chilled out. All we heard were comparisons to Luke-whom she favors-to the point I almost screamed to her that my boys aren't Luke and they never will be so just Shut Up. But I held my tongue. For three days I walked around avoiding her, emotionally and mentally "checked out" in order to protect myself.

And then came the blizzard. And we were stuck there another day.

Before we left Chicken agreed that if her mother was rude to me again, she would stand up for me. She did not.

I took the stockings off the mantle this morning and packed them in my suitcase. I don't know where we will be spending the holidays next year, but it won't be there.

My boys deserve better. They are the light and joy of my life. I want more for them. I deserve better.
We're thinking a nice holiday beach vacation next year.
Christmas in Mexico sounds lovely.
Even Christmas with my family would be great after this and that's saying ALOT.

Hope your holidays were wonderful. I can't wait to get home.

This was not the Christmas I dreamed of, but all I can do is move forward and make next year better.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone


tireegal68 said...

Oh this is just too much! Urgh!! I would book that Christmas vacation right away lest you forget how much you all want and need it with the passage of time!
If I were in your position I'd have to talk to DW and ask her to at least tell her mother off after the fact, rather than waiting for the next time. The damage is already done. I'm so sorry! Pls don't stay there again - that's such an abusive situation. PS what is her moms fricken problem? Apart from being an alcoholic that is? Sorry you had to deal with this Sh&t!

Laurie said...

What a bitch!! How dare she? You all definitely deserve better. I agree with tireegal... start looking for something NOW, so you have it booked and confirmed and can look forward to a magical Christmas with just the four of you.

Ruby at Breathedragon said...

I'm so sorry Puffer. What a frustrating and helpless feeling. It sounds like the beach is in order for next year. And if you get stuck there again, bring coal to sneak into MIL's stocking in the middle of the night...along with a nasty note from Santa telling her off?

Nicole said...

I totally vote for Christmas in Mexico! I've done it and it's great. Whatever you do, ditto everyone else that you should NOT go back there. What an awful situation for you and your boys. There's no need to suffer through that. Hope you have a much better time ringing in the new year.

anofferingoflove said...

i think our MILs were cut from the same cloth. maybe we should join ya'll in mexico next christmas! ;)

tbean said...

Oh Puff...I was so sad for you when I read this post. No one deserves to be treated this way. I'm sorry it was such a shitty experience.

I remember your 08 and 09 xmases and your MIL causing similar problems (wasn't there some issue last year over going out to dinner??) and I'm so sorry 2010 wasn't YOUR christmas.

Get home quick and safe and love on your boys.

Ali said...

OMG, it sounds like a nightmare... So sorry for all of you!

Anonymous said...

I'm so sorry your Christmas was so ugly and you didn't get the support you needed from Chicken. Next year is YOUR year for sure. Big Hugs!

pugmama said...

Ugh. That sounds terrible. So sorry you had to deal with all that yuckiness.

K J and the kids said...

I am so sorry you had to feel this way at a time when we should be feeling loved and thankful.
I too have a nephew who didn't even consider crying until he was almost a year old. (weird kid though) and my kids were ALWAYS compared. Good thing is....he's now almost 3 and has completely made up for it :) holy nightmare of terrors :) ha ha

I hope that your little nephew does the same. I also hope that your next Christmas be a warm beachy one full of happiness and around the people who love you the most.

Next in Line said...

Your boys are perfect and wonderful and so are you. Staying the extra day must have been killer. Mexico is sounding like a fantastic plan right now.

Jackie said...

It is so sad that you have to deal with this. It must feel so unfair - not to mention that next year the boys will be more attuned to what she's saying, which will be that much more inappropriate. I think it's a GREAT idea to create a new family tradition for Christmas, and Mexico sounds like an excellent way to start.

The silver lining here, is that despite your MIL being, er, less than idea, at least this Christmas, you have these two amazing new people in your life (and you're not in the hospital). Hope that helps!

Jen said...

How about we all escape and have a blogger bash next Christmas? I am over the chaos and crazed holidays, and I even like most of out family so I can't imagine. Yes, ou deserve better!

Baba and Mama said...

you and your family deserve so much more..

Pomegranate said...

i'm so sorry.

count me in with the votes for creating your own family traditions. mexico sounds perfect.

cindyhoo2 said...

Awful, simply awful! In my mind, if MIL crosses the line into overtly rude then you get to stand up for yourself (and your boys) if Chicken cannot or will not.

I do think now is the time to start setting what your family traditions will be each year: you don't want more of this! Perhaps a short new years trip for Xmas with the inlaws so the boys get to be home (or in Mexico) with the moms?

Monika said...

I am sorry to hear that this woman treated you like this-again.
protect yourself, protect your boys from her ill, mean ways. If she prefers booze and agression over boding with her grandsons....her decision. She might regret this later in life.
You showed her a lesson in dignity and strength in staying calm and disconnected to her drama.
You derseve way, way better.
I Cannot imagine how you must feel. I am sorry that you have to stand alone and your wife was not able not to put a foot down for you and your sons. I hope the babies are ok? And as for your plans for 2011...all I can say is...feliz navidad, senora P.! Get your sunglasses, your hot %ss bikini and some sunscreen and the twin boy travel bag...err suitcase ready! Send MIL some pics from you having a blast!
Love from Germany, M.

Marcia (123 blog) said...

Agree with the mexico thing! Can we join you?

You are a stronger woman than I am - I would have told her off, but yes, I agree, difficult since it's the MIL...

I remember 08 and 09 dramas - next year make your own traditions!

Ema said...

I know we do not "know" eachother, but your story is so much like mine- well, only difference is it was my ex husband's mom who was like this every.single.holiday. We had 6 kids, she was a bitch to them all- saving her love for my SIL's 2 kids. . .complete with visits to their home, taking them to Disneyworld. . .3 times, with my kids not even getting gifts for their birthdays (the trips were just because)
My ex never EVER sttod up for me and our kids, I should say my kids, because he is no totally out of the picture as is his mom. I hope you feel better, and sorry you did not get the defense you wanted and maybe even deserved. I so know how that feels:(