Bummer

That is such an inadequate word to describe what I felt, but nevertheless it's the first word that came in my Pufferhead.

Puffer no go home. At all. Ever. As in: Until I Give Birth.

For reals.

FaceBookers--you already know this.

The 24 hour urine test came back at 568 (300 is the cutoff). Those numbers kind of surprised me and the staff as when I was admitted my protein was zero, but it wasn't a 24 hour collection (oh and to the nurse who complained about my 'output' I filled up that damn jug and started on another. I've got mad urine output lady!).

The result of protein in my urine combined with my blurry vision (that seems to be a bit worse...) gave them all they needed to keep me to monitor pre-eclampsia.

My blood pressure? Totally fine.

Carey: Yes, they draw bloods on me 2xday and are also testing for HELLP. So far, all bloods have been fine. I don't *think* I'm seeing stars, but I'm going to pay close attention.

First I was stunned, then I cried in the dark, then I tried to get some sleep (failed), then I ate breakfast and bawled listening to Brandi Carlile's "Dying Day".

It was not a fun morning.

Chicken had a big presentation this morning at 8:30am and pulled an all-nighter getting it done, so while I really wanted to tell her, I didn't want to stress her out beforehand. She called me and I told her anyway. Damn, that was some hard news.

There is good news!

I had an u/s and we did a growth measurement. At 32 weeks, 4 days: Chicklet is 4.7lbs and Shadow Boxer is 4.6lbs! Yeah! Little ole me is growing some nice big twins in there. I would've been joyful at 4lbs, so I was swimming in joy. If we can make it to 5 lbs, that is my new goal. They are doing great--they have a non-stress test everyday and all is well. And they are also BOTH vertex once again, so who knows, maybe I'll get a chance to push after all.

I got a steroid shot for their lung development and will get the 2nd one tomorrow. This way if they do come early, they'll have an extra head start.

I asked for and have already received a private room and bath. This is awesome, b/c I had...probably not the world's WORST roomie, but close. She watched telenovas or People's Court all day long and fell asleep during most of them snoring like a trucker. The trucker snoring only intensified at night. Her ringtone was set at the highest volume and was of a BABY CRYING. WTF?!?! I think my headaches will lessen in a private room!

There is a nice enough view of sunrises, although I'd rather have sunsets. That's OK, I can see outside a big window and play music through my mac or just be in peace and quiet.

I could be here for 5 more weeks, so this is great.

While I have a lot I could be 'doing', my blurry vision is making things very complicated. It's no fun to watch TV (have never even turned in on) or watch HuLu or an instant Netflix with this blurriness. It just makes me dizzy.

I have a great book that I'm reading with one eye. Ditto with the computer--not so easy to get things done when you can only see out of one eye at a time.

I think I'll ask for an eye patch rather than holding my hand in front of my eye all of the time so I can focus.

Other positives? I don't have to think about what to wear for the next month or what to eat or cleaning anything up. Yeah, other than getting excellent medical care, that's all I can think of!

I'm trying to stay as positive as possible and I really want to thank everyone for their well wishes and words. It means a lot to me.

I have so many friends who want to come see me and I can't wait to get some visitors. I know it will really lift my spirits.

Chicken is on her way up here and it will be so great to have a private room and get some snuggle time in. There's even a chair that folds out into a twin bed if I want her to stay the night. She has cancelled her travel for next week and in now in NYC full time.

I miss her. I miss my cats. I miss my little home.

But this is what's best for Chicklet and Shadow Boxer, so this is what I have to do.

Live Blogging! From....the Hospital.

Here's the scoop: I was having blurred vision Sunday and Monday. This is also one of the symptoms of pre-eclampsia which combined with my high blood pressure and protein in the urine previously in our story, sent me on high alert.

I called my Dr and while we couldn't completely troubleshoot how 'bad' it was, I was given the option trust my judgment and come to the hospital if things just didn't 'feel right'.

By 6pm Monday night, things were def blurry and didn't feel right.

So, Chicken and I picked up the packed bag and made sure it was sufficient for the long haul....because I'd been told that IF it really was Preeclampsia and IF it was severe, that I would not be leaving that hospital until the babies were born. And who knows when that would be. Could be 48 hours, could be 6 weeks.

OK then....that's not stressful.

When we checked in the officer gave us a guest pass to get 'in and out' and I said, "that's for both of us?" to which he replied "Um, you're not going ANYwhere."

Haha, oh right...I forgot about that.

I stayed in triage for hours while they monitored me and it turns out I have NO protein in my urine (yeah!), my blood levels came back normal (yeah!) and my blood pressure was way, way down (super yeah!). So, it's just the pesky blurry vision we're trying to figure out.

They admitted me to ante-partum after midnight--Chicken went back home and finally at 2am they were done poking, prodding, and questioning me and I was allowed to sleep. For 3 hours. Because, you know, rounds start at 5am!

It's true, hospitals are not great places to get good rest.

The nurse who checked me in at 1am had the nerve to say to me at 5am, she was concerned I was not drinking enough water because my 'output' was quite low. I told her "it's a little hard to drink water all night when you are trying to sleep..." I thought that would be obvious.

My Doc--who is the head of OB/GYN here at this hospital came by to see me at 8am this morning and she said I looked great, am doing great and she has no concerns as of right now for preeclampsia. Whew, such a huge relief as she is one conservative doctor, so that is huge coming from her.

I didn't even realize what a big honor has been bestowed upon me until one of the nurses remarked that she never makes the rounds, they never see her and I must be special. It certainly made me feel very cared for.

At 8:20am they informed me I was being transported to the eye hospital for further testing and I informed them I could not take their little little paper cup of pills because I'd had no breakfast yet. My wheelchair porter came right as breakfast arrived. Why do this to a pregnant woman who hasn't eaten since 5pm the previous night??

After the first eye exam, I begged for food and my Dr just happened to be a twin mom who felt extreme pity on me and found an apple and juice box for me.

They continued on with a gazillion tests and found NOTHING. My vision checks out at 20/20 and here's the thing--I can see clearly out of each eye independently, but the two together? Not so much.

In the end, they decided it 'could' just be pregnancy-related blurry vision--it does happen and that this might be how it is until after I give birth because NOTHING is wrong with my eyes.

That's good, but frustrating at the same time.

I've spent the rest of the day being hooked up to machines for a non-stress test for the babies (they are doing excellent), more bloods (just fine), blood pressure (fine), etc. etc. and trying to nap.

I was supposed to do the 24-hour urine test at home today and bring in my jug o' pee to the Doc tomorrow. They decided I would start it at midnight last night, so I will finish that at midnight tonight. I was hoping Chicken could come get me at that point, but no. They have to wait a couple of hours for the results to come back and if the results show protein in the urine...well, I will remain here.

If not, tomorrow morning, Wednesday, (after breakfast!) I'm a free woman!

So there you have it. I'm so glad I came in. I feel like I'm getting excellent care and it has been a HUGE relief to know that--so far--I'm OK. And the food's not even that bad and there's wifi!

It would be really nice to spend New Year's Eve at home with the Chicken instead of a hospital bed, so say a little prayer to whatever it is you pray to.

I realized as I was leaving the house, that while we are 'ready' for these babies to arrive, we aren't ready! Stay put little babies. We've made it 32 weeks and 3 days. We can make it longer. Stay put.

Thank You Santa and Your Little Elves, Too

Blood work came back OK! No pre-e for me on Christmas. WHEW. I am so relieved.
I'm under strict orders to 'take it easy' which of course means I had to have it spelled out exactly what that means.
I can walk a couple of blocks and do stuff around the house, but honestly I don't even want to walk a couple of blocks. Chicken has become my sherpa and is adapting to her new position quite well.

Her dads came down to the city and we were supposed to meet them for Christmas Eve dinner tonight. Doc says it would be much better if I not go and I agree. I need to be somewhere I am comfortable and can rest and put my feet up. We asked them if they could come here for dinner--after all, the restaurant we would be going to delivers to our house--and they balked and said they'd discuss it.
Are you fucking kidding me?? Such typical alcoholic behavior. Her father has been so concerned about me having twins and keeps saying things like "take good care of my grandkids in there" but god forbid I disrupt his holiday plans with my high risk pregnancy and doctor's orders. Unbelievable.
It's almost 5pm. We were supposed to have an early dinner at 6:30 and we still haven't heard back from them if they are coming over or not. I don't get it. We are seriously less than 8 blocks away from the restaurant. Argh.

There was no sympathy from her mother either who suggested that I just go to the restaurant anyway and find a chair there to put my feet up on. That way I wouldn't ruin anyone's holiday. Chicken reminded her that the Doctor had said it would be best not to go...but I think her impression was that I could just suck it up for one night and I didn't want to or something. Seriously, people. What is WRONG with you??

That just caused me more stress. I'm going to go lay down now, read a book, relax and not let my alcoholic in-laws get to me.

Merry Christmas Eve!!

Update: Chicken is on the phone with them and they are coming. I could care less at this point. Honestly.

Not the Doctor's Appointment I Expected

Let's just say "packing the bag for the hospital" just got moved to the top of the list.

Chicken and I did a massive Trader J.oe's shopping run (with delivery) yesterday morning, followed by lunch and then took the subway to midtown for my appointment.

Babies checked out fine (no growth measurements, but they should be getting close to 4 lbs now).

But for the first time, my blood pressure was borderline high--130/80 (high would start at 140/90). I'm normally 110/70 or 110/60, so this was cause for concern.

Also, my urine came back with protein. Yikes.

They took blood for testing and I am now waiting on the results.

All of this is pointing to signs of preeclampsia--which can and does come on quite suddenly.

Women who are 35 and older and/or have multiple pregnancies have a much higher rate of developing this. In fact, I remember my RE warning me to be mindful of it. However, there's nothing you can do to prevent it. You're either going to get it or you're not.

The midwife asked if I'd had a busy morning and I admitted that yes, we'd done quite a lot. Chicken felt like crap that she didn't 'stop' me from going to the grocery store. But honestly, I took the bus there and didn't think walking around the store and standing in line was that strenuous. However, while we were checking out, I said to her, "This is my last time here, it's too much for me." So, I knew I'd overdone it, but by that point, it was too late.

Midwife is hoping it was all just because of the activity that morning and I'm crossing my fingers that's what it was, too.

My previous post was quite timely as now Chicken really IS in charge of everything. The midwife told her so! I'm not on strict bedrest, but I'm supposed to be off my feet as much as possible. I asked her specifically if I can still do stuff in the kitchen and things around the house, etc and she said yes, but to really listen to my body and go lie down or sit in the recliner if I got tired.

To top it all off, Chicklet is head down again and that little baby head is causing A LOT more pressure on my cervix than those baby feet were.

I'm now to be on the lookout for swelling, sudden weight gain and headaches. I keep staring at my hands wondering if they look swollen and yeah maybe they are just a bit and yeah maybe...I do have a teensy headache that I don't think was there before.

But it's so hard to tell when you are feeling paranoid about symptoms.

The doctors said I'm also going to have a much harder time from here on out because I'm so short and tiny. These babies have no where to go! If I were taller, I probably wouldn't be in so much pain. So, if you are tall and pregnant with twins/multiples, luckier you!

The waiting is quite stressful and not at all what I thought my holiday would look like. I'd already been told I couldn't travel, so we had no plans to go anywhere--just the two of us staying put in NYC. But Chicken's dads are coming down tonight to take us out for Christmas Eve dinner and we have a lovely dinner planned with friends for Christmas Day. This may or may not happen...I'm quite tempted to do delivery instead of the dinner out tonight as I'm not very comfortable in restaurant chairs anymore.

I'm just crossing my fingers and praying to my idols and gods that the bloodwork comes back normal and I won't be hospitalized.

We're ready for the babies...but at 31 weeks, 5 days, they are not ready.

But just in case...I'm packing the bag.

Rumble Fishies and a Needy Puff

The baby puffers are all over the place. I would love to be able to watch them all of the time to know what they are doing in there because there is just SO much movement. The kind that is distracting when you are trying to read or write because you can see your clothes jumping around. It's an amazing experience and I'm going to miss it, even though sometimes my stomach is incredibly tight and it kind of hurts.

I can imagine a little bit what it's like to have a baby and just stare at it all the time as I spend a lot of time staring at my stomach these days.

It's especially cute when one of the babies (seems to mostly be Shadow Boxer) has the hiccups and it's so strong that my hand moves every time with every hiccup.

I can tell where their heads are which is crazy. They are both still breech and hanging out mostly on the right side. I've come to grips with the fact that I will more than likely be having a C-section and I'm OK with that. I will do whatever I have to do to get these babies into the world safely.

As someone who struggled for a long time to get pregnant, I'm always hesitant to voice any complaints because I know there are so many out there still in the struggle to get/stay pregnant. But, I feel like I'm in the final weeks now (7 weeks maximum) and there are some hard days/nights ahead. Last Wednesday was my roughest of the entire pregnancy. It made my worst day of the first trimester feel like a walk in the park. I felt miserable the entire day, from the time I woke up all throughout the day. Usually mornings are my best time. I would rather wake up earlier and have that morning burst of energy than to sleep later. I can always take a nap, but I can't get that morning feeling back.

This day however, nothing was going right.

When Chicken called that evening, I lost it and just started bawling. I had no idea just how overwhelmed and scared I was feeling and I don't think she did either. My strength is my fault because I can fool everyone--including myself.

I am not used to needing anyone. In fact, people (*by people I mean grown up's, not infants or children*) who are needy (generally) annoy the fuck out of me. This is probably why I'm a cat person. I like their aloofness and self sufficiency. Dogs seem so needy.

But right now, I'm a different person. I'm a person who very much needs others to help her from time to time and I'm terribly concerned that it's annoying behavior. I realized that I'm scared to be alone now. Scared of all the 'what-if's' that could happen when I'm by myself. I've spent half of my life alone and I've never felt like this so it's quite unsettling.

It's hard to go from being so capable to being so limited. The fact that 3 weeks ago I was walking 3 miles stuns me as I've now gone to walking about 6 blocks a day--IF I leave the house. I stopped keeping track of the days I haven't left the house. I'm so tired most of the time and I just want to chill.

My biggest challenge is taking care of the 3 cats by myself. Everything they need is on the ground--their food, water, litter box, the vomit they puke, the poo they leave outside the litter box, the pills they need to be given. Bending over stopped being a possibility a long time ago. Then came the squatting. Squatting worked until about 2 weeks ago and now while I can do it, it causes me a lot of pain. I've never been so irritated with animals I love until recently and I know it's just because they are causing me pain. I love them a lot more when Chicken comes home and I don't have to do anything.

Mostly, I'm ready for Chicken to come home. I don't mean I need her with me 24 hours a day, but just to know that someone will be here in the evening--my most desperate hours--just in case.

Thankfully, she did come home last Thursday, but had to leave again yesterday--only for one night. She'll be home late tonight and then for a few days in January to wrap up her project and then that's IT. She will be here until the twins are born! I've got my friend Fab C on call for the few days in January, so I feel relief. But it was SO hard to ask for her 'maybe' help. I felt pathetic.

I know I can do this. I know there are going to be good days and bad days and right now I am just thankful the good days are far outnumbering the bad.

Happy Winter Solstice. May all the days ahead be filled with more light.

Pregnant with Twins Belly Shots (weeks 28, 29 and 30)

It's that time again! It's getting a little uncomfortable--sometimes a lot. They are both loving my right side and although I keep telling them, there is plenty of room on the left, they don't listen very well.

You can't tell in these photos, but at night one side of my belly is noticeably bigger and bulgier than the other side. Pretty funny. No stretch marks on the belly (yet) but have noticed some on my hips. Chicken says they were already there and they are just more pronounced now. Either way, nothing to complain about.

I pretty much live in the same pair of gray maternity sweats, one of 3 sports bras and a couple of T-shirts. I remember hearing another twin mom saying she lived in sweats and T-shirts toward the end and thinking "Oh, but that won't be me, I don't even own a pair of baggy sweats." I do now. And I love them!

Eight more weeks MAXIMUM.

28 weeks, 3 days pregnant with twins

29 weeks, 4 days pregnant with twins

Just for shits and giggles, let's look at my stomach at 20 weeks

(I thought I was SO big!) before comparing it to 10 weeks later.....

Whoa Big Baby Mama!

30 weeks, 3 days pregnant with twins

The Never-Ending To-Do List

I'm trying not to get overwhelmed, but I can feel the pressure. We have all this baby stuff to do PLUS the holiday stuff PLUS we really don't know how much time we have left.

But, we said we would try to meet our December 25th deadline and we are Damn Close!

Things That Have Been Done in the Last Two Months

• moved every piece of furniture in the apartment at least once--including the rugs
• assembled cribs
• ordered and had delivered an 8-drawer dresser that will also double as a changing table
• ordered and had delivered a new lamp for the baby 'corner' and a new lamp for the newly designed living room
• ordered and had delivered a new Laz.y Boy glider/recliner
• cleaned out and organized 2 walk in closets, the linen closet and a regular closet
• cleaned out and wiped down all kitchen shelves to make room for bottles and kid feeding supplies
• accumulated 6 bags of 'stuff' to go to Goodwill
• purged books no longer holding on to from bookshelves
• created a kid's library (with over 50 books so far!) from an old bookshelf that used to hold photos/knickknacks
• threw away 2 old wooden chairs
• sold a chair and ottoman
• washed all newborn to 6 month old clothing and organized in new dresser
• washed all crib bedding/blankets/hooded towels/bundle me's for car seats/fabric inserts on bouncers, swings, etc
• washed all bottles/pacifiers/teethers and organized in kitchen
• cleaned out a trunk full of clothing that is now a toy chest (full of toys!)
• legally changed last names
• met with lawyer and finalized wills, powers of attorney, living wills
• had 2 baby showers
• went on a babymoon
• had a professional maternity photo shoot at 27 weeks
• booked our CSA organic farm share for next summer in anticipations of feeding the twins some great mushy fruits and vegetables
• went on hospital tour
• pre-registered at hospital
• finished all Holiday shopping
• designed Holiday cards
• decided on a pediatrician
• purchased a great cool mist humidifier that has kept the nosebleeds at bay and will be prefect for the twins as well
• read all of our books on twins and breast feeding books
• watched 3 Laugh and L.earn DVD's in lieu of her specialized classes at $300 (these DVD's are available at Net.flix and were great!)
• attended "Twini.versity" class for how to raise twins in NYC (great class!)
• had bathroom repainted
• had A/C in bedroom replaced
• had all misc repair work in apartment completed
• had child proof bars put on all windows
• acclimated ourselves to sleep in a much cooler bedroom as the temperature for infants should be around 70 degrees
• created a 'stroller parking' section in our apartment to accommodate the double stroller, snap n go and car seats
• cancelled all but one magazine subscription as won't have much time to read magazines!
• did a lot of walking (probably too much
• went swimming (probably not enough)
• saved over $4,000 by getting used baby gear for free or a greatly reduced price from the Twins Moms Club. Yes, 4K. I kept track!

Things Left To Do

• send out Holiday cards
• remove things currently in cribs so that babies can actually sleep there (right now they have become holding spaces for other baby gear we can't decide where to store)
• pack hospital bag
• pack diaper bag
• cancel most of our cable/Fi.os package as we doubt we're going to be watching much mindless TV for a long time
• get all supporting documents for the 2nd parent adoption
• go to Social Security office for cards with new names (do we get a new number, too?)
• go to DMV for new licenses
• go to Passport office to new passports (I think we'll wait to do this until the twins are born so we can get theirs done at the same time)
• change all legal documents and bank cards, health cards, etc to new name (this sounds like the most incredible pain in the ass)
• find and take an infant CPR class
• purchase rest of baby gear once the coupons come in the mail (you get a 10% off coupon for all of your remaining registry items at Buy.BU.yBaby and Babie.sRu.s mailed to you two weeks before your due date--so I changed my due date to January 1st!)
• organize tax receipts now so we don't freak out in April
• get rid of our wooden coffee table and buy a leather ottoman with storage inside (much more kid-friendly and no deadly corners)
• baby-proof the house before social worker comes for 2nd parent adoption
• purge all old papers in files
• hang all artwork in apartment now that everything is organized and in place
• read a book that has nothing to do with baby rearing
• SLEEP

If we can get the purely baby-related stuff on the to-do list done in the next two weeks, I think we'll be golden (of course that's the majority of the list...but still!)

This is Chicken's last week of travel before she's home for 18 days! Yeah! Then, it's only 4 more days of travel in January before she's home working until the twins arrive. I can't believe we've got EIGHT WEEKS MAXIMUM.

Crazy!

I'm still overwhelmed looking at this list, but it was nice to put down what we HAVE accomplished.

I've said it before and I'll say it again--if you are pregnant with twins, try to do everything you can in the 2nd trimester b/c the 3rd trimester is completely unpredictable, you have no idea how much time you have left and your energy level is greatly diminished.

Off to get things done!

We Are SO Ready (in some ways)

This morning's conversation went like this: (Warning--poop talk of the non-human kind will be found below. Read at your own risk).

Chicken: Was there poop outside the box this morning?

Puff: Yeah.

Chicken: Diarrhea?

Puff: No, thank god. Solid!

Chicken: Oh good. So much easier to clean up. Tootsie rolls?

Puff: Yeah!

Chicken: Light or Dark?

Puff: Light, so it was Savvy. The dark ones are always Bunny (he rarely goes outside the box).

Chicken: Yeah. But damn, why can't she go in the box?

Puff: I don't know...I don't know. Everyday, I never know what she's going to do.

So, there you have it. We have been analyzing cat poop for so many years and cleaning it up (18 years and counting for me) that it shouldn't be that hard to switch to diaper poo.

Another topic completely is the slowly-going-senile-completely-unpredictable-if-she-will-poop-in-the-box-or-not-today cat, Savvy.

I really don't know how we're going to handle her and twins.

Rock Star Cervix

OK, so it wasn't quite that great, but I did manage to crack up my Doctor's when I christened my lady part a "rock star cervix" upon hearing it went from a 2.7 to a 3.17!

They are happy, I am happy. I am nowhere near a danger zone and that is mighty good. Normal. I like normal.

Since I'm almost 30 weeks there will be no more cervical checks as they don't have conclusive evidence past this point that they are predictive of anything. They didn't put me on any restrictions other than "listen to your body".

It's a bit vague, but I get that everyone is different and there's really not a strict set of rules about these things. I plan to rest up alot (yeah, walking so much probably was not such a great idea even if it made me feel like a bad-ass pregnant woman) and keep the activity in check.

However, the Doc agreed that my feelings of fatigue this past week may have been because I overdid it in the other direction. I don't have to lock myself in the house and put myself on modified bed rest--I just need to dial it down and if I'm feeling pain while doing anything--STOP.

So that's where we are and I am feeling much, much better about things now.

In other exciting news, we also got to do a growth scan on the babies and they are looking great! Chicklet is 3 lbs, 4 oz. and Shadow Boxer is 3 lbs, 1 ounce. While I certainly want them to stay put, it's amazing to know they weigh enough now to completely survive if I were to deliver early. We also got to see them do their practice breathing which was so cool! Stay inside kids! We can do it!

I can't call them bat babies anymore, because they have both totally flipped and are now head to head ALL on my right side (a bit ouchy). Chicklet is completely breech and SB is laying somewhat sideways. I never know what position they are going to be in next. Always a surprise.

As far as the Carpal Tunnel, Doc is not so convinced that's what it is because I don't have the classic sore wrists and tingling sensations. While my wrists are somewhat swollen when I wake up, the thing that hurts most are my finger and joints surrounding them. Regardless, we agreed that giving the wrist splints a go at night couldn't hurt anything and I'm calling my acupuncturist tomorrow. Thanks alot for all of your helpful suggestions.

Chicken insisted that I get a maternity massage after my appointment today, so I spoiled myself silly at the Eda.mame Spa. I just love the name! They have the wonderful cutout for your stomach and it was so glorious after all of these months to lay on my stomach! I could breathe! It was heavenly. So much so that I fell asleep a number of times and woke myself up grunting/snorking. So embarrassing! I never make a sound when I fall asleep at home, only at the spa! These spas are a part of Destinatio.n Maternity/Pe.a in a Po.d so if you have one near you and are looking for a great massage--go for the Mom-to-Be. My therapist was late, so she gave me 15 minutes free on top of the 50 minutes AND gave me samples and a $20 coupon when I was through.

All in all, a very good day. Thanks for all of your well wishes and comments for good luck. My cervix heard them and obeyed!

My Handy Secret

For the past two or more weeks I've been experiencing what is probably the beginning of carpal tunnel syndrome. I haven't mentioned it because I wanted it to go away or at least get better. It's not getting better, it's getting worse.

Some of you may have noticed that comments from me on your blog have been sparse or non-existent. I'm sorry.

Most days I have to just prioritize the tasks to be done in my life and unfortunately, commenting is coming in at the bottom. I really hope everyone understands.

I have all of these baby shower thank you note's to write and holiday cards to design and then there's the everyday tasks like making myself food.

This morning I went to open my thyroid med lid and I couldn't do it. When I take the milk jug out of the fridge I wonder which day I'll drop it. I have to open a can of cat food and I want to scream. I went to cut my nails and realized that manicures and pedicures are in my future because to handle the clippers was just too painful (and I am not one to do the mani/pedi thing). I wanted ketchup on something and couldn't flip the top open.

Really, it sucks.

Please don't misunderstand me--I am so happy to be pregnant and wouldn't change a thing for this journey. BUT, it's getting to the point where it really is starting to get incredibly uncomfortable and no one can prepare you for the toll something like this starts to take on your body.

I have done everything I can this past week to 'take it easy' and just chill out. There have been days I haven't even bothered to leave the house and I'm OK with that, too because this past week the pressure on my pelvic bones and the ligaments is so intense that I don't want to go out walking.

Typing is painful, but not horrible and blogging and documenting this journey is incredibly important to me. I will try to comment, but if I don't please know that I'm still out here, reading along, cheering with you, shaking my fist at the universe of unfairness with you and breathing sighs of relief with you. I'm still here, I'm just falling apart a wee bit.

Tomorrow--OB appointment where hopefully my cervix is either the same....or better! I'm hoping for better!

And if anyone knows what I can do for my hands....please enlighten me. The only thing I have read is "it will go away after you give birth".

Expecting the Unexpected

Since I've known I was pregnant with twins, I've prepared myself for as much as I can--both the good and the bad. Because while I want to believe that I'll have an uneventful pregnancy and our twins will be born 36-38 weeks with no complications and that they won't have to stay in the NICU, I'm fully aware that things can go wrong overnight.

I've had other people tell me "Puff, think positive! It's all going to be just fine!" These are probably the same people who told me my eggs are going to be great because I look so young and am healthy. Good God were they ever wrong.

So yeah, I do think positive, but I'm also realistic. I don't think there's anything wrong with being prepared for whatever might come your way--not just the good stuff.

I don't want to assume that I'm going to have a vaginal birth only to have an emergency C-section and be scared to death because I never read that chapter because it wasn't going to happen to me.

But sometimes, no matter how prepared you think you are--life throws you off balance. That's what happened to me at my appointment on Wednesday.

During the ultrasound the tech discovered that my cervix--in two short weeks--had gone from a mighty 4.0 to a 2.7. They don't start to 'worry' until it's under 2.5, but mine had changed enough for them to worry just a little bit.

They ordered an fFN test on me immediately. fFN is formally called fetal fibronectin. This is a protein produced by pregnant woman. The test is a collection of cervical or vaginal fluid sample taken between weeks 24 and 34 and is used to evaluate the risk of preterm labor. fFN is normally not detectable during these weeks so if the test comes back positive it is an indication of possible preterm delivery within the next TWO WEEKS.

Don't get too scared because thank GOD my test came back negative. That means I will not be having the babies--yet.

However, when I asked my OB when she sees me giving birth (thinking that she'd say something like 36-38 weeks) she didn't bat an eye and calmly said, "I think you will make it until at least 32 weeks.

GULP.

That's it? She acted like that was great, but I nearly shit myself.

As all of my other signs are just fine (weight gain, no protein in urine, blood pressure, babies measuring fine and great heartbeats, etc, etc) she said at this point there is absolutely no reason to worry.

I don't have any true 'restrictions' other than no more long walks (maybe all that walking hasn't been the best idea?) and taking it easy as much as possible and staying very well hydrated.

I can still do my daily errands as long as they are close by (so subjective to someone who walks for miles) and I can't carry anything over 10 lbs (was already following this). I can still go swimming (which will replace the walking) for some exercise as that takes all of the pressure off my cervix and is good for me (a bright light)!

That's where we are. I'll be monitored weekly now to make sure my cervix isn't shortening. If it is...then we'll go from there.

If I have to go on bed rest, well, so be it. It is scary, but I'm trying my best to just relax, let Chicken take over and take care of myself and the babies.

At least our La.zyBoy rocker/recliner/glider finally arrived (after ordering it almost 10 weeks ago) and let me just say it is the best thing EVER. I am going to be living in this chair from here on out. I'm in it right now! This chair and the Ug.gs are the best things purchased the entire pregnancy!!

How Could You Forget or Not Know What Week?

Here's a question for those of you either currently pregnant or have been pregnant:

Did you remember what week you were in every week? Did you count in weeks? Was there ever a time you had no idea what week you were in?

Because I find this behavior baffling. Maybe it's because I'm a vet of IF or maybe it's because I'm a little obsessed or maybe it's because I have OB appointments every 2 weeks or maybe it's because I'm subscribed to like 5 different "here's what's going on this week in your pregnancy" sites or maybe it's because I'm a blogger.

BUT--seriously? You are pregnant and you don't know where in the pregnancy you are??

The SIL and cousin both had no clue what week they were in when I asked them at Thanksgiving. Is it because they had free sex and got pregnant and they just take it for granted that eventually the baby will pop out and everything's gonna be just hunky dory? Urgh.

It made me want to slap them. Just a little slap. But a slap all the same. Urgh. The bitterness. I hate it, but it just doesn't go away overnight.

(Almost) Legal

Remember a reaaaaalllly long time ago when we talked about how we were going to change our last names? We made a combination of our two last names and we were going to do it?

Yeah, that was a long time ago, wasn't it? (4 months)

Let's just say between the pregnancy, my procrastination of doing unpleasant tasks that involve bureaucracy and Chicken's travel schedule, that little 'task' got pushed back over and over until finally we looked at the calendar and said "Holy Shit".

If we actually wanted to be able to write our new family name on the birth certificate (and having no idea when these babies are going to arrive), we needed to get our asses in gear NOW.

Thankfully, Chicken took a couple of days off over the last couple of weeks to make some trips down to the courthouse. When you have a partner that works out of town all week...well, it does make it hard to get those M-F local things done!

Last week we spent over 3 hours at the courthouse getting the initial paperwork done, paid a $65 fee and today had our court date. After 2 hours waiting on a hard wooden bench in one of the most depressing rooms ever constructed, we were seen by--get this--a judge who told us she was a married lesbian! What Luck! She congratulated us and told us she and her partner had tried to combine their names, but couldn't come up with anything attractive. We got a big compliment from her on our newly combined last name and a big laugh when I told her it was either that or Pissanucker. If you can figure out our previous last names with that clue, well kuddos to you.

Now, due to some archaic law that has been on the books for like, a million years (which the judge apologized for), we have to spend $150 to take out an ad in a small neighborhood newspaper with a legal notice of our name change.

After it goes to press, we take the notice back to the courthouse (and stand in line again for gawd knows how long) and prove that we did it and then, it's LEGAL.

In order to change our names at the SS office, the DMV and our passports--we have to buy certified copies of our name change at $6 a pop each. Urgh.

Moral of the story? When your partner is ready to legally marry you, make sure she is also ready to commit to the new last name. We have had this last name picked out since before our wedding in California and IF Chicken had just been willing to write in the new last name on the line that day--we would not have had to go through any of this hassle--plus the added expense (@$275 total). Do not do what we did! Save yourself the hassle!!

At the end of the day, we're getting it done and we'll be able to write our new family name on the birth certificates which is huge, so it's all worth it. It wasn't quick and easy--at least not in NYC--but it's almost done!