Friday, March 5, 2010

My Village

I suck at asking for help. I know this, I've written about it and it's so true.
Apparently though, I'm much better at writing about things and then hoping my friends will read it, realize I need help and offer up so I don't have to ask.

Yesterday we had a very good friend come over to help us baby wrangle a couple of hours. She even did a load of laundry for us, yeah! She's coming back Saturday morning to help me out while Chicken is gone for a couple of hours.

Another friend called to check up on me and is going to come over with her partner this weekend so that Chicken and I can either get out--just the two of us--or go take a nap in the other room--just the two of us! I think a nap will win, but who knows. This friend is also a shrinky dink and is going to do an assessment on me to determine if I am just feeling the normal overwhelmed mommy craziness or if indeed I am teeter tottering on the edge of crazy.

A faraway friend called another friend who used to be a nanny and she is available on the weekends...sweet!

And lastly, I reached out to a distant, younger (by 14 years) cousin who lives here and she is currently unemployed. I have asked if she would like to make some extra cash doing mother's helper/babysitter type of work for us once or twice a week. She expressed interest in this before the boys were born, so I think that will work. It's strange as I used to babysit her when she was a year old!

A baby nurse/night nurse would be great, but I don't think it would work for us. We have a one bedroom apartment and the twins crib/s are in our bedroom. Where would the nurse sleep? On the sofa? The boys would still be in our room, so she would still have to disturb us and we would still hear everything since they are in the same room. We just don't have enough space to make that option work.
Also, having one friend over to watch 2 infant twins is just a bit much. If WE are having a hard time with 2 babies and we know them well, one person (who is not a baby nurse/nanny) cannot handle this job. It's great to have a friend over so that either Chicken or myself gets a break, but it's a 2 person job at this point.

Last night was a breaking point of sorts. I finally broke down and took some night time cold medicine and got the best nights sleep I can ever remember. I really, really hope I haven't done something horrible, but something had to give. So far, the meds over the past 2 days have not hurt my milk supply at all.
While I ran out to get the meds last night, the boys were having a meltdown and Chicken broke down and gave Whoop Whoop a paci. You'd think we'd given the boy crack. The fusspot was like a whole new baby.
We've tried the paci twice before and have had to stop both times because his breast feeding skills decline after the introduction of the binky. But last night we were willing to take the chance. It was just that bad.
So far, he's been fine latching on so will work! I hope so, because that kid loves to suck and this would really change our lives. Fingers crossed.

My precious babies are 6 weeks old now! Wow, time sure is flying.


Anonymous said...

I really think you are too hard on yourselves.. I mean, if you have to give him a paci, for your own mental health- then that's what you have to do.. if then he doesn't breat feed as well, and you have to give him bottles with formula or pumped milk..well, that's what you have to do. Ultimately if you are sick and not feeling well and feeling like you are going over to the deep end, how are you going to be able to take care of your babies? You need to put yourself first and make sure you are getting healthy and feeling well so that you can take care of your babies. 2 years from now is it really going to matter that he had a pacifier, or that he got a little formula? no way! twins are so hard.. just try not to be so darn hard on yourselves. you are amazing moms already.. and it's only going to get easier.. just work on yourselves and yes, keep asking for help.
you can do this.

AdventuresInBabyMaking said...

I’m so sorry it’s been such a tough time for you guys. :( I get tired just reading about how tired you are. It would be great to have your cousin help out, even if just to give one of you at a time a long nap. Is Chicken back to work?

I'm glad the paci helps. Now that they have more practice with the real thing, they probably won't get as confused with the paci. I mean, they can probably handle both by now. All moms that I know IRL supplement with formula and/ or use a paci now and then, and their babies are fine.

p.s. – reading all this makes me very nervous...

Ruby at Breathedragon said...

Good for you for asking for help, Puffer. You poor thing! Being sick sucks no matter what...babies are hard work no matter have quite the pile-up of hard work over there. I say kudos for taking the cold medicine and giving yourself a chance to heal a little. I hope you and Chicken are 100% soon and that the pacifier plan works!

Dre said...

Both my boys loved to suck, and after a couple of weeks, I broke down and used a paci and it never affected their nursing. Your mileage may vary, of course, but you guys need all the breaks you can get...

kat said...

one of the things my mom told me after arden was born was that the health of the moms is just as important as the health of the baby. if we aren't taking care of ourselves, our ability to help the baby goes down. i think it's awesome friends are coming to help :) you'll feel so much better, and caught up with a lot of things, soon.
i agree with the others on the paci thing. if it helps the little guy, go for it :)
wishing you all the best!

giggleblue said...

GP got a paci at the hospital, and i was scared, thinking that she wouldn't breast feed or latch properly, and she fed like a champ.

i think at this point, the boys are more than likely used to latching on, and the paci shouldn't hurt them. they love the sensation of suckling and it comforts them. i'm happy it allowed you all to get some much needed rest!

anofferingoflove said...

its great you've got some friends/cousin lined up to offer some help.

i agree with the pp'ers on the paci issue too; you're in survival mode right now - if he'll take it and still nurse, go for it!

oh, and on the night nurse issue, fwiw, they are being paid to stay awake, so no sleeping accomodations necessary. even if they could help with one baby and let one of you sleep, might be helpful at some point...

i hope you feel better soon and the cold passes!

Anonymous said...

Oh my goodness girls. I am 52 years old I have four grandchildren. And 2 daughters. If I was near you I would come over gather some bottles for the boys and send you two out to dinner! Darling no not beat yourself up about formula breast feeding or pacifers. If it works for you do it. If you need to supplement with formula do it. Honey you are running yourself ragged and all that pumping an feeding. I am exhausted thinking about it for you. I know why you are doing to be the best mom for your sweet babies. But Honey YOU ARE BOTH the best Mommy's for them and always will be take care of yourselves too. All of this will get better.But take the help and do what makes it easy for you both you are doing a wonderful job and I love reading your blog. Kiss those babies once for me!

Growing up Clangley said...

so glad some friends stepped up to help. you needed a break! as for the paci, we wouldnt think of not introducing that on day one. both of our kids have loved it and it made life so much easier!