K got stuck in Vegas last week during the freaky snow storm and didn't get home until Friday.
She was supposed to leave town again Saturday morning which I was super bummed out about. But as luck would have it (for me!) weather in other parts of the country prevented the trip.
It's been a long, long time since I've had my wife all to myself, with no plans on a holiday weekend. She didn't even have any work to do!!
We braved the cold Saturday and shopped outside in the Union Square holiday markets, making our way on foot to midtown where we looked at Ma.cy's windows. Then we figured, we made it this far--why not go up to 5th Ave, Bryan.t Park and R.ockefeller Center? We walked up to see those lights, the tree and made it a total 'tourist in NYC night'--complete with burgers, fries and a shake at the this Joint inside the Le Parker Me.ridien. After all that walking, we deserved it!
It was great fun although we both forgot just how massive the crowds would be on the Saturday night before Christmas.
I love my wife. When the tears came Sunday morning she reminded me of the very long list of things we have in our lives and how lucky we are. We have so much and so many options. She assured me that whether this baby comes from my body, her eggs or a far away country--that we would have a child.
She cooked me pancakes and kissed away my tears and spooned me on the couch while Christmas music played and candles glowed.
She is so sweet and kind and relentlessly positive no matter how doubtful I become.
This morning after staring at the pregnancy test that has been mocking me for days to pee on it, I gave in. Yes, me, harper of 'don't test early!' broke down and POASed 3 days early.
It was clearly negative. And with that, I decided to work from home and crawled back in bed with K.
I have not left the house. I have not showered. I have not gotten dressed and I'm still in my pj's and about to go back to bed until tomorrow.
I can't help but compare my chart over and over, every freaking day, to my 'successful BFP' chart in August. This chart is so similar. I tested on Day 26 that month and it was negative. And then I looked closer. It's Day 26. The only 2 months out of 8 tries I've ever tested early and they are both on the same day.
There's still hope.
But at this point, I don't think I'm buying another test. I'll either get my period in a few days. Or I won't.