Monday, December 22, 2008

Just a Few Reasons Why I Married Her

After making a very short list Saturday morning of "people I hope to never meet because they clearly have a stick up their ass", we managed to have a wonderful holiday weekend.

K got stuck in Vegas last week during the freaky snow storm and didn't get home until Friday.
She was supposed to leave town again Saturday morning which I was super bummed out about. But as luck would have it (for me!) weather in other parts of the country prevented the trip.
It's been a long, long time since I've had my wife all to myself, with no plans on a holiday weekend.  She didn't even have any work to do!!

We braved the cold Saturday and shopped outside in the Union Square holiday markets, making our way on foot to midtown where we looked at's windows.  Then we figured, we made it this far--why not go up to 5th Ave, Bryan.t Park and R.ockefeller Center? We walked up to see those lights, the tree and made it a total 'tourist in NYC night'--complete with burgers, fries and a shake at the this Joint inside the Le Parker Me.ridien.  After all that walking, we deserved it! 
It was great fun although we both forgot just how massive the crowds would be on the Saturday night before Christmas.

I love my wife.  When the tears came Sunday morning she reminded me of the very long list of things we have in our lives and how lucky we are.  We have so much and so many options.  She assured me that whether this baby comes from my body, her eggs or a far away country--that we would have a child.
She cooked me pancakes and kissed away my tears and spooned me on the couch while Christmas music played and candles glowed.
She is so sweet and kind and relentlessly positive no matter how doubtful I become.

This morning after staring at the pregnancy test that has been mocking me for days to pee on it, I gave in.  Yes, me, harper of 'don't test early!' broke down and POASed 3 days early.
It was clearly negative.  And with that, I decided to work from home and crawled back in bed with K.
I have not left the house.  I have not showered.  I have not gotten dressed and I'm still in my pj's and about to go back to bed until tomorrow.
I can't help but compare my chart over and over, every freaking day, to my 'successful BFP' chart in August.  This chart is so similar.  I tested on Day 26 that month and it was negative. And then I looked closer.  It's Day 26.  The only 2 months out of 8 tries I've ever tested early and they are both on the same day.
There's still hope.
But at this point, I don't think I'm buying another test.  I'll either get my period in a few days.  Or I won't.


cindyhoo2 said...

Your partner sounds perfect for you! What a lovely weekend you guys had. I'll keep all my fingers and toes crossed that you will have a repeat BFP.

eeney meeney miney mommy said...

K sounds like an angel and you two must be just perfect together.
If anything positive came of this, it's that you convinced me not to test early. Each time is different so it's not over yet, you still have a little time. Sorry for the crush today but let's hope for a BFP in a couple of days.

wishinghopingpraying said...

I'm so glad your wife was there to help you through. I am still holding out lots of hope for you. Big hugs are headed your way.

vee said...

I so hope you guys get what you really want and deserve on Christmas morning - a beautiful BFP.

Keely said...

I still have hope, too. But whatever happens you have options-- and at this very moment you have a beautiful life and a great wife...

anofferingoflove said...

what a wonderful woman you have!

sorry to hear about the ugly white space on the hpt. that never gets easier to see. im holding out hope for you still ~ its EARLY!!

nutella said...

Sounds like you had a lovely NYC holiday weekend. Which you SO deserve with your sweetie! Sorry about the early -, but it IS early. Stay warm and enjoy the next few days. Still hoping that a + will be your biggest present this year.

Sarah at Notes from 2 Moms said...

pajamas can cure lots of things... stay in them.

A said...

Your wife sounds wonderful. You are a lucky girl.
There is still hope. I'll be keeping my fingers crossed for a BFP this Christmas.

Mommy and Mamita said...

Not that I don't do it too, but there is never any benefit to testing early. There is still time and I'm still hopeful for you for this cycle. I'm glad K is being so great.

queerstork said...

Fuck it, I'm throwing us an IVF party. This IUI stuff is a racket.

(But I do hope it's just a case of the tooearlytotestitis).

Bree said...

What a lovely weekend, thatonedamnedtest aside. I'm still way hopeful for you this cycle. In the meantime, enjoy your beautiful city and your fabulous wife!

Tui said...

I hope the test was just too early, and I'm still holding out hopes for the perfect Christmas present for you two. Sounds like an excellent weekend and just what you needed.

Heidi said...

Thank you K for taking care of our dear Travelher.

I think the similarities between the cycle you got pregnant and this one are wonderful!!!