Getting Better All the Time

I've been fairly quiet over here in Pufferland as life has been busy, busy, busy.

In fact, tonight is the first night in over a week I'm not out and about.  I had plans tonight, but I cancelled them as the weather outside is frightful.  I can do rain.  I can do cold.  I don't particularly like either, but the combination of rain+cold makes me miserable.

The updates:

• After the 3K in sperm was accepted and then rejected by our flex spending with A.D.P., we made an appeal....and as of yesterday they have accepted it!!!  That was great news to know we didn't lose all that money.
  
• I've had my nurse rep  at UHC working with the billing rep at the RE clinic in order to figure out if we have donor egg insurance coverage or not.  As of today, the clinic is rewriting their...I don't know...whatever they rewrite...and we have coverage!!!  This means if I don't get pregnant with this last IVF cycle (if I even get to DO a last IVF cycle) then K can donate her eggs to me, they bill her from her 15K coverage and then bill me for the carrier portion.
  
• The most we would have to pay is my portion if I went through this last IVF because I'll have no money left (since it was reduced 10K).  That could be 10K out of pocket, but that's a lot better than the 20K we were looking at.
  
• If my IVF cycle is cancelled due to poor response again, there's a good chance we wouldn't owe any more $$ for the egg donor cycle.  All around, great news.
• K is thrilled because we're back to the plan where she gets to outsource her womb!
• I have been running, lifting weights, doing yoga and pilates and trying to eat as healthy as possible.  I've lost 2 lbs and all my pants fit nicely again.  I'm well aware that 2-5 lbs may not seem like a big deal, but I am very petite and my clothes are all very fitted.  When you already wear skinny jeans there's really nowhere for that weight to go.  That's why I always keep it in check.  Two becomes 5 becomes 10, etc.  
• I made a promise to myself when I started this TTC process that I would not gain weight until I actually got pregnant.  It is the ONE thing in this entire process that I have control over.  It's kept me healthy, fit and sane.  I'm keeping that promise to myself because it's working for me.  It's really hard, but it's worth it.
• The spotting finally stopped after two weeks (with a two-day period in between).  No one knows why.  Could just be a one-time thing.
• Yes, the teenage mother really did hit me.  Let's just say the subway at rush hour can be a very volatile place.  It makes me really happy I walk to work and can avoid it most of the time.

New Stuff:

• My blood work from 2 weeks ago came back showing I have a little bit of a hyperactive thyroid problem.  Thyroid issues issues are directly related to fertility issues.  Nice.  A 'normal' level is 0.4-5.2.  Mine is 6.27, so usually most doctors would call this normal, but we're not taking any chances, so I start meds tomorrow and will go back in 4 weeks to have it re-tested.
  
• Because the spotting just stopped and now I'm on a new med, I've decided to take February off.  I want to have an entire month of a clean cycle to see what my body is doing.  I am not comfortable with pumping more hormone drugs in the Puffer without knowing if my body has regulated itself.  
• My acupuncturist is going to dig deeper to try to figure out the reason behind the spotting.  It could have been a chemical pregnancy in December, but there's really no way to know for sure.
• I'm getting a saline sonogram done before the next IVF to make sure the ute is fine and dandy.  I will schedule this as soon as AF comes next month.  I had an HSG done last March and RE declared I have a perfect uterus, but I want to know more before I roll this last dice (especially with the irregular spotting).

I'm having a difficult time keeping up with the blogs and commenting.  So, I've been a little silent.  But I'm out here, floating around, following all your stories.  

It's just hard sometimes, like tonight when I read about someone who is about to enter the 3rd trimester and I realized that if I had stayed pregnant I would be one week behind her.

Incredible for me to believe that I'm still waiting and trying but I could have been 6 months pregnant if only that sticky rice had stuck around.

It's times like this I need to focus on myself, my health and not be so focused on TTC itself.

I am just living my life and what will be, will be.  All I can do is be the best vessel possible in body, mind and spirit.