Thursday, January 14, 2010

Did You Really Just Call Me FAT?

The other day I called my mom to give her an update as I do every Wednesday after my OB appointment. For some reason her husband answered her mobile.

My mom has been married to this man for almost 25 years, but I've never lived under his roof (my mom moved out when I was in HS, leaving me rent/food money to fend for myself while I finished HS and worked full time. Nice, huh? We've come a long way since then...).

It's not that I 'dislike' my stepfather, I just can't find anything to like about him. I have never invited him to NYC and when I extend an invitation to my mom, she knows she's flying solo.
My stepdad is a good ole boy from Texas, as homophobic and racist of a born-again Christian as they come. He has learned to 'accept' me and I've learned to ignore and stay away from him.

He's given me good reason to be wary of him. About twenty years ago I was living in Dallas, TX and over Memorial Day weekend I brought home my first real girlfriend. I had come out to my mom the year prior, (after I'd returned from Tokyo where I supposed to marry my fiance, this Japanese guy. But I got drunk on the flight over, told him I was lesbian and called the whole thing off).

So....they were a bit shocked as it really came completely out of the blue for them.
I only told my mom because I disappeared over New Year's Eve for a week and by the time I came back she wanted to know what the hell was going on as she'd been worried sick (understandable).
I had met this hot lesbian in a club and ditched my friends to go home with her...but she lived over 3 hours away. Didn't know that...anyway, she wouldn't bring me back home and so I had sort of been kidnapped by this lady which was fine with me for a few days as we spent it in bed anyway, but unfortunately she ended up being a bit of a...crack addict with a fascination for guns and then I couldn't get away fast enough. Except that....she wouldn't drive me home!

God I cannot make this shit up. Let's just say I've lived a full life.
Where is this post GOING???!!!

Oh right, so I brought home my very first real girlfriend who I was totally obsessed with. We went on a canoe trip with the whole family and after we docked at a campground in the early evening, I went off to play with my niece and gf stayed behind drinking at a picnic table. Everything about that day had been quite cordial, so I was not concerned until my brother came running telling me I needed to get back quickly as all hell had broken loose with my gf and stepfather.
Who knows what really happened and who started into who first, but it ended with my stepfather yelling at the top of his lungs, at a public campground, on a holiday weekend, "You made my stepdaughter a lesbian! Why don't you go find someone else's pus.sy to lick!"
Classic White Trash, huh?

There's so, so, so much more. But we've already gotten wildly off-track here.

When my stepfather answered the phone, he politely chatted a bit and said, "Yer mom showed me the photos you sent. You sure are getting fat!"
It was all I could do not to start yelling.
"I'm not fat, I'm pregnant with twins."
"Well, your belly looks pretty fat." (Are you fucking serious? Are you still going to keep using that word??)
"My ass isn't fat and you can't even tell from the back I'm pregnant, so I'm pretty sure I'm not getting fat."
"Well, you know what I meant. Here's yer mom."

And that is just one more reason we never have to worry about getting on a plane to visit my side of the family for holidays or any other time. My mom can come up here and see me, but I have removed myself from family, my former life and any reminders of who I used to be.
Other than my mother and my little brother, there has not been a single close family member who has called to say congratulations on your pregnancy, sent a card, a baby shower gift.
Nada, nothing.

Whew. I guess I needed to clear my head.

Happy Friday!

15 comments:

Mommy D said...

Horribly typical white-trash hick behavior but still offensive and hurtful for you.... I'm sorry.... You look AMAZING pregnant, by the way, so you have NO worries...

:)

AdventuresInBabyMaking said...

Um… are you fucking kidding me? And agreed, you look fantastic, please don’t even worry about him.

On another note, have you thought about writing your autobiography? B/c I would so read it.

poppycat.wordpress.com said...

What a trash ass, no-name brand white bread eating, canned pbr drinking, monster truck pull watching, serpent healer church attending, closed minded sheep of a hick! Hehe, That was fun!

Get it all out sweetie, we understand. I have a lot of "simple" family too and while most of them are very kind and loving, there are a few just like your SF and I stay as far away from them as possible. I value their opinions so little that they rarely get me fired up but every now and then...

You look gorgeous and svelt my love. I'm willing to bet your belly is smaller than his! He can suck it!

Jackie said...

There is so much that needs to be said. All I can muster is OYE!

(((hugs)))

cindyhoo2 said...

OMG! At some point you really must finish all of those stories. Very entertaining!

I am sure that on some level his calling you fat was some sort of compliment. I cannot even tell you how many times I have heard similar remarks made to mamas-to-be at their baby showers!!! It's a southern thing and for the life of me I don't know why. My great aunt told my sister that she was "getting as big as the broad side of a barn" during a pregnancy. My sister cried and I am sure that he hurt your feelings. Don't let that poorly mannered idiot get into your psyche. You look fab!

Schroedinger said...

Holy shit what a prick. I am sorry. Maybe it is just a "cultural" thing (I use that word loosely) but yeah, total. effin. prick.

And wow. I thought *I* had a checkered past ;-)

2momswithaplan said...

What an jerk! I'm sorry to hear that you had to go through that. I agree with cindyhoo... you really must finish these stories.

Expectant Duck said...

OMG! Your step dad is an arse. Wow. very classy man.

Pomegranate said...

You are a great story-teller. Your mother's husband is obviously a prick, but I'm just waiting for more stories!

mamaandmummy said...

This post was hysterical. Disturbing and offensive, yes, but hysterical. Ditto on the autobiography-- I'd read it!

Libberal said...

Worthless dumbasses should NEVER be given the time of day. Stupid Prick.

And you look *totally* amazing preggers, btw.

And crazy great stories. You should write an east coast version of "Valencia"

tireegal68 said...

Tell him to keep his worthless opinions to him
self and that by the way you' ll never ask his opinion about anything so he better shut the f up! Grrrrrrrrrrr....... Blood boiling! You look great! Don't let the bastards get you down!

Carrie said...

your stepdad sounds absolutely charming. Just think...all that money you would have spent on flights to visit them can now be put towards your kiddies' Harvard college tuition. :)

amilydiaries said...

we should talk...we might know some of the same people from dallas. small lesbian world there. sorry your mother's husband is like that. family is so trying sometimes...

Sunny said...

That is too sad! I'd say it's not very uncommon for a thick-headed man to call a pregnant woman "fat" -- but especially when taken in context with what kind of person he is overall, I can see why you avoid him like the plague. Ick.