Out of Control

***I'd been working on this post and I think it's very timely as I sit here...waiting to be transferred to L & D.***

Getting pregnant, being pregnant and ultimately giving birth have been HUGE lessons for me in giving up control. I have learned so much about myself from this experience and am a better person for it.

I always thought I would be that person who needed to know everything, plan everything--the sexes, the names, the perfect birth plan, the iPod play list, the going home outfits, the nursery, etc, etc.

Instead, I have shocked myself by going in the exact opposite direction.

• We don't know the sexes and I am perfectly OK with that. The sex was determined from Day 1, nothing I can do about it but wait and see! I never in a million years would have thought I would be OK with not knowing. Surprise! I just want healthy babies, that's it. And honestly it has been SO nice not to be bombarded with pink/blue. There is plenty of time after they are born for people to get obsessed with colors. For now, thank god, they can just be babies.
• We don't have names picked out. Oh sure, we have lists of possibilities, but nothing for certain. I want to see these babies, hold them, get to know them before naming them. I know babies and pets are completely different, but I would never name a pet before meeting it. Blast me if you want to for that comparison, but that's the best I can explain it.
• We have no birth plan other than showing up, thinking positive and going with whatever is best for the babies. Yes, we have educated ourselves on our options and medical interventions, but ultimately--what will be will be. I have seen way too many bloggers go in for one kind of birth they had carefully spent months planning out only to emerge with something they could've never dreamt of. I've also heard of too many bloggers heartbroken and guilty that they didn't get the birth they had planned. I might feel different if I were having a singleton, I think so...but almost all of the twin moms I've spoken with have agreed that childbirth classes and a 'plan' were completely useless in a twin pregnancy.
• Music. It rules. Take away the TV for the rest of my life, I could care less--but give me my music! But what do I want to hear in the throes of birth?? I have no idea. Plus, I'll be in the OR, they don't allow you to give birth in a nice birthing room for twins, so I can't even imagine me rocking out while 30 people stand by waiting to see if they are needed. I think if I have the choice, I'll just put Brandi Carlile on the iPod and keep repeating. Or maybe that will drive me crazy and I'll ask everyone to join me in singing "Under Pressure" with Chicken in charge of snapping. Who knows.
• Going home outfits? Onsies. Seriously. I mean, it's winter and they are going to be so bundled up and who is going to see them that hasn't already seen them? The cab driver?
• The nursery. HaHa! What nursery? This one has probably surprised me most. I always thought I would really need this and have it be perfect in order to be happy. Not so much. We have two cribs. The cribs have bedding and mobiles. We have a changing table. Everything matches. The drawers are full of clothing. It all fits in a corner of our bedroom, so therefore it's perfect! We were able to stay in our newly rent-stabilized, rent-reduced apartment in Manhattan, an apartment we love, a neighborhood that is perfect for us and kids, and we are surrounded by friends. We can walk anywhere we want, we have many, many parks right outside our door. Our Y is right around the corner and has baby swimming classes, Mommy and Me Yoga and a host of other kid-friendly options. All of this trumps the perfect nursery 10 times over.

All in all, this has been such an incredible experience despite the ups and downs. I can say that I made it a really long way with no problems and for that I feel very grateful.

The last part has been a roller coaster for sure, but in the end we are having a healthy pregnancy despite it all.

OMG, I'm so NERVOUS! But excited at the same time.

Scared at first...then exhilarated?!