Thursday, October 9, 2008

Wrong. M*therF*cker

I just talked to my RE, Dr. VID (not the Dr. who scanned me this morning).
This was not the good conversation I wanted, but it was the one I feared after finding out I only had 4 follicles this morning. They are NOT all the same size. They range from 6-12, so that is super sucky indeed as they should all be trucking along at the same rate.
Fuck me.
Turns out I'm a pretty poor responder to Follistim--even though I'm injecting the MAXIMUM amount.
WTF?!
I had an excellent response to Clomid and produced the same amount of follicles.
(is this the part where I'm supposed to remember that while I was in Bali I thought I should do another round of Clomid?)

I'm so tense right now and I sort of want to cry, but mostly I just feel deflated.
This may not be an IVF cycle. If he doesn't see much improvement in the next couple of days--we'll call it an IUI cycle.
I guess that's good news--it's not all lost.

We've only got one vial of sperm on ice at the RE's--I knew I should've ordered two. Now, I think I probably should another one just to be covered in case it's converted to an IUI cycle and we want to do 2 inseminations.

I haven't done shit at work today b/c I've been all over the internet looking at where other 39-year-old's are at this stage of the game--none of it has made me feel any better b/c everyone else seems to respond just wonderfully to Follistim. A wonder drug it is! Hahaha!

Dr. VID said I could try another IVF cycle if this one doesn't work, but agreed we'd be better off using K's eggs. Hers give me a 66% chance of success.

Jesus Fucking Christ. Seriously? Seriously?! This is what we were considering last January when this all began and now it's been 10 months and we're back to where we started.
Fuck Fuck Fuck.

OK, I'm done cursing now. Until the next post. Fuck.

14 comments:

N said...

shit.

I wish I had some advice for you. :(

Les Make Babies said...

Fuck indeed.

I'm so sorry.

giggleblue said...

damn it! i'm sorry. i really truly am.

Heidi said...

Fuckity Fuck Fuck.

I'm sorry. I will continue to think good thoughts for your follicles.

love and hugs

mulberry said...

how entirely infuriating! i hope there are other drug combos to try... i am so sorry... i hope there is a plan about to come out of the mess that is better than what we can think of in this moment...

grrrrrrfuckfuckfuck!

K said...

Crap. I'm so sorry. I'm going to send lots of catch-up wishes to those little follies and high hopes that a bonus follie or two pop up as well. A lot can happen in a couple of days. Fingers are crossed for you.

indigoscot said...

ugh, such CRAPPY ass news. :( it truly sucks when you try one course of action and in reality the one you thought of first was really the way to go. :( we gave ourselves 6 tries with me and if no bfp after that, we would switch to my 7 years younger dp. i was 37 when we conceived our son which seemed nothing less than a minor miracle. i'm sorry it isn't working out for your ivf but you never know it might be a lucky iui!!

my words of wisdom are this: even if you have to switch to your dp's eggs at the end of the day if having a baby means going down this path, it's a good path to follow.

good luck!

queerstork said...

No way! Fuck. Fuck. Fuck!!!!

It's not too late to order another vial - is it? Overnight shipping? If you can make this an IUI then, you're right, all is not lost.

Thinking of you tonight...

eggdance said...

I'm sorry-- what about the possibility of switching protocols? Some women respond better to Gonal F than to Follistim-- have you considered getting a second opinion? The great and horrible thing about REs in this country is that they vary widely in how they treat women.

poppycat said...

A change of plan always seems like the golden ticket and it fucking sucks when it's not. So Sorry. If it counts for anything, I have a friend who had similar problems. After many fertility issues and 3 miscarriages, she just welcomed a lovely baby girl to the world. You just never know when and how it will work, but it will.

Lizzie said...

Well, fuck. I don't know the first thing about IVF and so really shouldn't be giving out advice. But here's how I see it. 1) One cancelled IVF is not a deal breaker - you could try another drug protocol - some women have one bad cycle and another time a good IVF cycle. 2) coverting to IUI is not all bad at this point - that's how you got knocked up last cycle!! and 3) don't let the doc talk you into K's eggs yet (unless that is what YOU want). I just feel like there are too many stories about a bad cycle (canceled IVF) leading to another, good cycle. Big hugs b/c I know you did not get the news you wanted today. I'm really sorry. Just don't despair. It's too early to call it.

vee said...

The news is crappy, but not terminal, as others have said. I too responded really poorly to the highest dose of the drug - 4 follicles too. My doctor was not pessamistic, saying other drug combos could give me a better response if we had to try again. Which fortunately we didn't. Hopefully you won't have to either. Hang in there. Just because it's crappy this time doesn't mean a) that it won't work, or b) that it will definitely be crappy next time.

nutella said...

Ugh, sorry for the crappy news. Hope things improve for you soon.

insertmetaphor said...

Agh, fuck indeed! I'm sorry you had such a crappy conversation with the RE but I agree with the others who suggested possibly a second opinion or exploring other drugs. I know nothing about these drugs but it seems really weird to me that you'd be 1 week into an IVF cycle and they'd declare you a bad candidate for IVF. I mean, I have to wonder if they're not being as aggressive with you because they figure you could just use K's eggs.

I hope you're doing ok. And Vee's right - there's nothing that says this still isn't going to work.