Saturday, November 1, 2008

Things I Didn't Do/Things I Did Do

DIDN'T
  • I didn't get dressed up and go to the Helloween Parade, which I really love.
  • I didn't go to the two great Helloween parties I'd been invited to.
  • I didn't get up this morning and do my Day 3 blood/FSH monitoring.
  • I didn't put the beautiful dress and shoes Fab C loaned me in a bag and get in a car with the other Puff.
  • I didn't go to the wedding 4 hours upstate.
  • I didn't even think about going hiking tomorrow on our way back from the wedding.
DID
  • I did move from the bed to the couch.
  • I did take more medicine than I can remember.
  • I did feel like my head might explode.
  • I did take a bubble bath.
  • I did feel very special that Puff went to Expensive Foods on Helloween and read to me, over the phone, every single pastry/dessert in the aisle until I decided on what I wanted b/c I was craving sweets.
  • I did manage to watch a very bad movie.
  • I did lie to little children by putting a sign on my door stating we were out of candy so that they wouldn't ring my doorbell.
  • I did sleep for nearly 14 hours.
  • I did feel bad that Puff had to go to the wedding alone (It's a family wedding and I did want her to go).
  • I did decide that AF is way too funky monkey this month and I need to listen to my instinct--which says to give my body a rest from all of the fertility drugs that were pumped into it for the non-IVF cycle.
  • I did decide to 'pause' for November.

Where does this leave me?  I'm still sick.  I was feeling better and I went out to dinner Thursday night with some TTC bloggers--one from out of town whom I really wanted meet.  While it was fun--I should've stayed home.  I felt worse that night than the previous 3 and have only gotten worse.
My head feels like it might explode if I move so I don't move too much.
Puff is gone tonight which really bums me out since I only get to see her F/S/S as it is.

The decision to take a month off wouldn't be that big of a deal if it weren't for my age.  I feel like I'm racing against a ticking time bomb and every month brings me closer to the dreaded 40.  My RE has been very firm that I need to get pregnant by 40 or else I'm in a whole other stats category.  I've seen those stats--he's not joking.  But at the same time, I need to listen to my body and I feel like I'm pushing it too hard going from all those drugs straight into another cycle.  While RE says it's 'fine' for me to do a Clo.mid cycle this month, I know that had I completed an IVF cycle, I would not be 'fine' to go ahead.  Regardless, AF is not normal this month and I'm taking that as a sign to pause and reflect.

I wish I didn't have such a headache and could put this brand new TV and 1000 channels to good use.  It figures.

8 comments:

Anonymous said...

You look gorgeous in the dress so you must wear it some other time. I'm glad you're listening to yourself and giving your body a break. Stats are only stats, they are not always reality (that's why there is a standard deviation!).

Take good care of yourself!

Kellee said...

If you decide later that you don't feel good about taking a break, then maybe you should consider doing an unmedicated IUI. Chances of conceiving "naturally" on the cycle following a stimulation cycle are supposed to be slightly higher than normal.

mulberry said...

so sorry our dinner helped push you further over the edge... sounds like your body is reeling from all it has been through. it is good that you are listening to it, even though it is calling out for rest and the thought of delaying at all is excruciating... hope you feel better very soon.

queerstork said...

Didn't the psychic think that you were in your 20's? Maybe you just don't fit in the usual "over 40" category! If your body is telling you to take a break, you can do no better than to honour your feelings. And, hey, if you change your mind in a few days, Kellee presents a good option!

Now, get well soon so that can enjoy all that glorious television.

Heidi said...

I'm glad you did what you wanted, and didn't do what you didn't want to.

I want to thank you for your positivityness...it is helping me make it through my tww a little breezyer. (i'm making the words up as I go here, laugh at me, it is okay).

Thank you for being inspirational.

xoxo

Lizzie said...

Oh no! I'm so sorry that dinner out made you feel worse. Sorry, sorry, sorry. Loved meeting you, and sorry about the pause-while-aging. But I think you are right. Big hugs.

stepping up said...

This is definitely a good month to take off and recharge yourself. Next month will be so much better because of it. You can be a 'good responder' to clomid in December.

eggdance said...

I think you are absolutely right to listen to your body. It is often so hard to do that in this process, but it is so important.