The nervous part is that she's a right-wing, Christian conservative, born-again Southern Baptist and we have very little in common. I mean....so little.
We can't talk about politics or religion, obviously. We can't talk about current/world events because my mom doesn't follow anything larger than her local newspaper (and that is a very small town newspaper). We don't like the same movies. She loves to shop and I can't stand to shop so that's out. I don't like her cooking, so I would prefer she not make dinner. And the list goes on.
But her trips to NYC have always been quite successful (versus my trips to her house which have been so spectacularly unsuccessful that I once left the house on Christmas Eve with every intention of hitch hiking back home--2,000 miles away. I no longer will visit on any major holiday--religious or not).
In NYC we can always stay BUSY. We both love walking about this city and just seeing new things--so we DO have that in common. There is always something to do, somewhere to go. You can go, go, go and....never really have to spend that much "time" with each other where something else isn't the focus. This has worked really well. And in the times we aren't 'going' I have found myself in that uncomfortable silence. You know the kind.
I've never had my mom come visit where we didn't have a gazillion 'things' planned to do. But I'm not doing much these days! I need more sleep and I can't ever be far from a toilet (because if you try to drink a gallon of water a day, you'll find out a nearby toilet is a very necessary thing). I can't walk all over the city nor do I have any desire to go to a museum and stand for hours. I don't even want to cram myself in one of those little seats for a Broadway show. I *might* want to go to a movie, but it probably won't be one she wants to see. I do a lot of sitting around with my feet up, reading books and drinking water.
What the hell do I do with my mother??
She won't go out alone, even to the grocery store around the corner and I honestly can't entertain her like I normally do. I would really love it if she said "you know I'd like to spend the afternoon at the (fill in the blank) museum" and I could give her the directions to get there and everyone would be happy. But that's not going to happen.
She does love our cats and is perfectly content chilling with the cats, so at least that's a huge bonus.
Most of the time when she visits, I try hard to accommodate her idea of acceptable menu items. This means no Asian or Indian. Did I mention those are the two major food groups we live on in this house? But this time, I'm sorry, I'm pregnant and I need to eat what I'm hungry for.
She's either going to have to deal with "Asian" the same way I deal with her cooking when I go to her house, or order her own dinner! This is the one thing I'm holding firm on.
She was telling me about the size of her suitcase and it occurred to me that I knew when she was arriving, but I didn't know when she was leaving. "Wednesday. Unless you want me to leave sooner."
"Let's talk about that on Monday, shall we?"
I love her. I really do. But this could be a very long week. Wish me luck.
At least we have baby stuff to talk about. Let's hope I'm worried for nothing.
10 comments:
I'm hoping the baby talk is enough to get you through. Though the disconnect between myself and my mother isn't nearly that large, we've rarely had anything to talk about, for as long as I can remember. Now? It's just non-stop baby. Fingers crossed.
Ok.... so here is a long shot. I read the kinds of foods you two enjoy but..... perhaps the babies wont. (I know- gasp- never.... been there myself). You might be able to "find something for yoiur mom to do" by having her write down recip[es you enjoyed as a child- or make a cook book of recipes you might find acceptable for your children to eat? Just a thought but it would be a way to connect in an area you simply dont connect on? Luck!
Good Luck!! Hopefully it goes by quickly and is as pain free as possible.
Puff this sounds a little tough. You two need projects. Can your mom help you organize baby things? You got twins coming. There must be stuff to do and pick up. Also aren't you going to move soon? Can she help you clean out closets, get rid of things and gather boxes? I needed a lot of help moving when I was in my second trimester. Can you make muffins together? Take her to prenatal yoga? Go out for walks? What about the movie "Where the Wild Things Are?"
I agree! Make the babies the focus of attention! Get stuff done for them, get the house ready....maybe find a project you can do together to make for the babies' room or something??
Do you have any friends that share some of your mothers likes? I hope this doesn't sound wrong- but if you do, would that person perhaps take your mother off your hands for a couple of hours during the trip?
Don't underestimate the ability of babies to bridge some pretty serious divides. My ultra conservative dad and I can actually spend time together because of the baby. I agree with others that finding some baby-related projects might be a great way to spend time with her without the need to exert too much energy.
Ugh. I'm sending loads of luck to you woman. That sounds... challenging. Yes, that's the word I'm looking for, challenging. Maybe you should take her on a taxi tour of all your favorite NYC public bathrooms!
And after reading this, it's Indian food tonight for sure. Mmmmm.
Good luck with your mother's upcoming visit. I hope the babies provide something for you two to talk about. I know you said you don't like shopping, but is shopping for baby stuff any better? Maybe she'd like to pick out some gifts for her grandbabies? Damn, family is tough.
babies bring people together! trust me on this one...my SOUTHERN BAPTIST RIGHT WING MIL loved our baby so much that before she was born she even wrote a journal about how she felt and how much she loves her. Babies just do that to people......So do BABY related stuff, show her what you got, what yo u like, ect....SHARE the moment.
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